‘Crimes and Punishments and Forgiveness’


Again, business before pleasure.


Allow these three referrals to ‘Kira Moore’s Closet’ web-site.

(1)  Let’s keep aware of this assault upon our decency:

(2)  And for help along your journey:


Now news from ‘Susan’s Place’:


Let us not forget Leelah; this information is from Cara’s ‘Liz Day by Day’ site:

Enact ‘Leelah’s Law’ to end transgender ‘Conversion Therapy’:


I remember my adopting sister Kathy’s birthday.  She was born on 1 Sep 1954.  We had a rough childhood – worst of it was beatings by our alcoholic mother who was too drunk to kill us, try as she might.  I sent an e-mail to Kathy on her 60th birthday last year wishing her well and commenting that my anniversaries were marking milestones this year:

  • 30 years full-time forever female and
  • 35 years legally female.

I wanted to bring Kathy into my celebration.  Instead of return well-wishes, she wrote to me to never write to her again – that she wants nothing more to do with me.  She could not be so lucky.  I sent another e-mail this year with photographs that she has not seen in years.  I wished her my love despite her hate-filled sentiment toward me.

I remember my adopting mother’s birthday.  She was born 9 Sep 1930; she died in 2002.

As we all are, she was complicated.

My mother was born and raised at a very White part of the state of New Jersey; perhaps it still is, I do not know, I have not been there since 1989.

My mother’s mother is of Mexican and Native American (Mexican).  Her father is of Spanish and Dutch.  I recall my mother telling me how she was bullied at school – how her class-mates taunted her as ‘that little Mexican girl’.  I can perceive such bullying affects one’s psyche.  Perhaps that is why she found her way to drop out of high school and become alcoholic.  I give her credit that she eventually finished her high school during her 50s – not just a GED – and took community college classes to eventually achieve status as a licenced nurse.

(1960 xx xx) Another Quiet Evening at Nickie's Home

My mom could not shake her alcoholism, however.  Perhaps that is why my last memory of her when she visited me in 1992 was when she pulled her pistol on me and made her inferred threat that my safety was not secure as an adult any more than it was when she frequently beat me to near death when I was a child.  I recently watched a videotape that I made when I went to visit with Kathy, my mom, Kathy’s husband, and Kathy’s two young children (earlier in 1992).  It is quite obvious from our interactions that we three all are strained.  My mom, Kathy, and I all have a failed family relationship.  Kathy has lived in denial for the past few decades and has yet to accept that our mother tried to murder her as well – that our mother tried to murder my sister is a very heavy thought for Kathy to perceive.

Kathy forgets – or ignores – all the days we applied salves and ‘Vaseline’ on our wounds so that our clothing would not stick to our sores.  Our father frequently snuck to our neighbourhood in violation of the custody court order denying visitation to him.  Our dad took pictures as evidence of our mother’s assaults.  He delivered to the court those pictures as evidence against our mother.  The family court judge eventually reversed the ruling and issued full custody for our father with limited weekend and school Summer vacation visitation for our mother – quite a rarity for that time (1962).

So I experienced a recent epiphany extending to Frank, my mother’s younger brother.  He (she) was experiencing his (her) transition during the 1960s.  My father had Frank arrested when he (she) visited us during her transition.  Family conspiracy led to the double murders of both Frank and his (her) wife in a plot to make their deaths both appear as suicide rather than the double murder that it is.  The police investigators of that era could not be more pleased than to close such a case and be done with it.  Seems little has changed since 1970.

Frank was murdered at age 33.  In perspective, the same age as when I went to visit with my terminally-ill dad at New Jersey (1989).  Looking back, I can see how my visit could very well have brought about my demise and also termed as suicide – ‘A young post-op M-F transsexual became despondent at ‘his’ father’s untimely death and re-enacted ‘his’ uncle’s own suicide’ would have read the news story as written by my family.  Both my father’s obituary and my mother’s obituary had me listed as my male predecessor; they were written by relatives after their deaths and not by either parent.

Then again, I could have been among a Kira’s Count had my mom done something – whether during my childhood, or in 1992, or later.  My epiphany of my own prospective demise at the hands of family hit home.  It is a heavy feeling knowing that one’s own family – however flimsy they and I are ‘family’ – really rather want me dead than alive as female.


There was really more sad news for me during this past month.  We all need to get sober when real life hits as a Mack truck.  Now it becomes very real to me and I am crying.

Mike, my dear friend and former co-worker, is in serious trouble.  You may have read his story or seen it on national network news.

I was using the free wi-fi at my grocery store; I saw it on their TVs at their wi-fi seating area.  The first news-spot left me speechless and dumbfounded.



NO!  Not Mike!

The big headline on a recent Wednesday night 10 pm nightly local news was Mike, my former co-worker, making national news when the local police / sheriff arrested him at his home at dawn that Wednesday morning.  He is accused of embezzling from AHCCCS (Arizona’s MedicAid agency); first amounts were $1.4 million, then other news reported as much as $10 million, and still others are suggesting more.

These are a few news articles I pulled about his story:

He is / was the business officer in charge of contracts and procurement at AHCCCS.  His agency had no accounting oversight on his position – he faces charges of creating fraudulent accounts.  AHCCCS’s failed business practise is coming under major federal auditor scrutiny and is a high embarrassment of the state.  This is what happens when Republicans boast ‘We are the tyranny of the majority’, cut state budgets, and fire auditors as they did at Arizona.

Who knows how long this has been happening; the news-spots suggested since 2006.  AGH!  To think that I worked side-by-side with Mike as he was beginning this scheme they accuse of him when I was employed at ADOA and he was my agency co-ordinator contact at AHCCCS.  I am in absolute shock.  We previously worked together at AHCCCS’s business administration – he at Contracting and I at Payroll.

We knew each other beginning 1993.  He was a real nice man – one of the few who was ever really nice to me.  I was not ‘out’ when I was employed by the State – I worked with many creepy people at DES, AHCCCS, and ADOA.  I recall all the good times Mike and I shared joking around, talking, socialising, working together – both when I worked at AHCCCS and when I worked at ADOA where I actually had more interaction with him as our job duties brought us closer; I co-ordinated work with all state agency business officers while employed at ADOA, whereas I was the payroll Fiscal Specialist at AHCCCS and we were organisationally together and physically located nearby.

I went to visit Dan, my former supervisor at AHCCCS, the next afternoon (Thursday) to commiserate.  Dan is concerned that he expects federal auditors will come after many innocent people for this agency’s failures.  That agency has neither upper management nor cross-management controls over the contracting and procurement activity.  Anyone who has any business expertise – or maybe none at all – knows by common sense there must be multiple layers of over-lap so that no single person can secrete anything.  Well, apparently that was AHCCCS for many years and now exposed – perhaps going back to when I worked there (1993 – 1999).

Dan and I each commented how we made certain insider jokes – our own crazy kinda accounting-styled ‘gallows humour’ at AHCCCS – these were ALWAYS jokes – NEVER any thought to committing an actual crime.  As an honest person, it is something beyond my comprehension.  So you see, I have no concept why someone would be so greedy to steal when they have so much already.  Some people do and that’s all there is.  That is what is so sad about Mike.  He was well-paid and already qualified for full state retirement – he had everything his way as a state employee – he would have been living the ‘life of Reilly’ if you recall that saying.  He had no reason to steal a dime as he is accused.  Hey, I collect only $14 k per year on Social Security and I’m happy.

We at AHCCCS Payroll could not skim because I myself actually installed multiple checks, audits, and cross-checks for each bi-weekly pay period close when I began my employ there (1993).  And, in point of fact, my departure from AHCCCS was precisely because I exposed a fraud – though hardly $10 million – closer to $15,000.  My supervisor Alyssa, the Payroll Officer, tried concealing one employee’s over-payment accumulated during a few months.  I discovered the over-payment while performing my routine employee separation audit when that employee resigned.  My supervisor blamed me for exposing the over-payment error that she caused when she hindered the audit process.  But … the agency’s business director requested both her resignation and our manager’s resignation for their failure to follow audit procedures that I created to prevent such blatant over-payments and for hiding it from audit.  Vindication for me considering that Alyssa sought to lay all the fault at me.

Alyssa opposed audits because she claimed they were a waste of time – never mind that we made our share of mistakes and employees took advantage of payroll over-payments while she was supervisor during her nine months tenure before I left.  Who knows how many more over-payment errors Alyssa concealed, allowed to slip, and how much was financially lost by AHCCCS to the detriment of the good taxpayers of the State of Arizona due to lack of oversight over her.

I have been scanning my work samples for Ellie, the teacher at my current business classes, to use in her future accounting lessons.  I developed and implemented various spreadsheets and databases when I worked for the State of Arizona (1990 – 2010).  I made copies of my work and saved them as samples to present at future job applications.  I thought I lost two of my three sample books to the burglary last year; I recently found those two missing binders when I went to Tucson a couple weeks ago to search my storage locker.  Relief!

My position at ADOA was a singular job – there was no other position throughout Arizona state government that did what I did.  I also dealt with an immediate supervisor who incessantly whined that I did nothing all day, she refused to sit with me and let me show her all the work that I did, and she had no idea what I did no matter how many times I posted to her the detailed descriptions of all my varied tasks.  Looking through my three 3-inch three-ring sample books reminded me about all that I accomplished.  Well, guess what, when the State fired me from my ADOA position they had to split my job into two separate full-time positions because I was doing so much work.  And they could not keep those new-hires employed because of the pressures and complications of the assignments; between 2009 and 2011, I found at least three vacancy announcements the agency posted to fill my positions.  I have not browsed the vacancy announcements since 2011.

I re-discovered Mike’s name on some of my agency contacts lists in my sample books.  Those samples also reminded me of my honesty.  Numerous state agencies sent live checks payable to me every month to pay for their agency’s various functions.  I noticed this past Tuesday, for example, that I was receiving a monthly average of nearly $30 million of live checks addressed payable to me personally (not payable to the State or payable to the agency).  That was our running gag because I ALWAYS instructed those agency contacts month after month to NEVER put my name on their payment checks – to no avail – so I would jokingly comment that I would run away with all their loot one day.  It was ALWAYS our inside joke good for laughs; not any more if I were still working there.  Surely this must be a lesson for them to change their ways preparing their agency checks.

Now that makes me sad for Mike that he is charged with embezzling $10 million – a ‘for real’ crime.

Jesus commanded that we must visit the in-mates.(2015 09 05) 4th Avenue Jail Video Visit Permit

I went to the Maricopa County Jail after visiting with Dan that Thursday afternoon; I registered as a visitor to give Mike comfort despite, and regardless of, what he may have done.  The officer told me to wait till Friday to view his schedule and apply for a visiting session.  I am Mike’s only person listed on his approved visitor list.  No one wants anything to do with him and I guess I can understand.  Well let me tell you, he was among a bare handfull of co-workers who was truly kind to me for the two decades we worked together.  I have a personal ethic to return the kindness to him in his time of crisis.  I at least owe him visitation.(2015 09 05) 4th Avenue Jail Video Visit Receipts

Visitation is by TV monitor only – not person-to-person – no Mayberry jail – it is hard-time lock-up.  I go to the Sheriff’s Office visitor center while Mike goes to someplace where he can watch on a prison monitor.  Jail policy provides only one 20-minute visit per week.  Yow!  I went to the on-line reservation site and began making my visitation reservations. No one had yet taken that first calendar week so I got that first Saturday (4.30 pm).  I saw him these past two Saturdays and hope to continue being approved to visit again this week and future weeks; his calendar shows nothing for any future weeks.

My first visit with Mike went as best as could be expected.  I arrived a little past 4 pm and waited in line to check-in for my scheduled 4.30 pm visit.  I went with a notepad to take notes and to read prepared comments and questions.  The jail deputy told me all personal possessions had to be surrendered to a locked cabinet – that I could bring nothing with me except the card showing the log-in information for my video terminal.  Our session began late – about 4.40 pm.  Mike and I caught up on old times and better times; we both started crying.  He told me that he has no other registered visitors – that I know because the web-site showed no other visitors when I registered for my visitation.  He expressed appreciation that I came to visit – several times.  Mike said that he will pass my name to his public defender to meet with any others who may eventually add to his visitor list so that we can co-ordinate who will visit and when – only two people are permitted at the visitor video terminal.  Our allotted time went fast; the guards gave us a few extra minutes to compensate for the late begin time.  That was it.  And I cried some more.(2015 09 12) 4th Avenue Jail Video Visit Receipts

So it appears that I continue as his only visitor these coming weeks.

Jail policy allows me to mail postcards to Mike – I bought 10 postcards to write to him once the County Jail issues an address where to write; he has yet to be assigned a public defender or a mailing address.  As I post here – I make no point to his guilt or innocence – I am doing this as a friend because he was a friend to me through all my days as an AHCCCS and ADOA employee.  He was among a few who actually was kind to me at work though he and others knew nothing about my change.

Oh, no, I do not take any of Mike’s circumstance personally.  If he did what he did, that was on him, not me.  The charges are quite serious; I am so sad at the likelihood he did as charged.  With what he was charged, if it sticks, he will probably spend many years in prison – 10, 15, 20 years; he might never see freedom again if convicted on the majority.  Once the state finishes prosecuting him, then he could face federal government charges.(2015 09 18) Visitation Card - Mike

I can’t imagine what will be Mike’s future.  He’s mid-60s.  Ten years under state prison and another 10 under federal would put him in his mid-80s.  This could be a life sentence.  He lost a very good career and retirement for this.

I do have reservations about him.  My purpose is as I wrote – we all need a little sunshine in our darkest hour and I want to be at least one sliver.  Yep, he was a nice guy for the first decade and a half that I knew him.  To think that his downfall began while I was working with him and never knew what he was doing.  Yow!  If only I knew what he was planning, then I could have confided with him to not do it.

(May 2016)  Up-date:

The jury found Mike guilty as charged.  The court sentence him at least to 10 years in prison.  The court also ordered that he will forfeit his Arizona state pension.  He also owes restitution for the millions he is convicted of stealing. He is not likely to have much finance on a Social Security payment if he gets out alive.

I have not seen Mike since late last year.  He no longer welcomed my visits.  Nevertheless, I wish him the strength to continue living as best he can during these coming years. I am open to visitation if he chooses.

I also extend my heart to Sadi and Sheri.  You will need to help Mike pick up the pieces of the remainder of his life.  Your choice – you can keep me posted, you can tell Mike my feelings, or not.


Actually really truly I was first fired for being a sex change when I worked for the Forest Service (1978 – 1985).  I previously posted how my supervisors knew because there is the Social Security Administration’s discrepancy list.  My name appeared because I still was working under my male name Nick though I was all legally changed to Sharon and female since 1978; I feared going full-time at that time.  Blanche, my supervisor, called me to her office (1983) and told me she could not have me – a female – working there as a male.  I fought her firing for two years and then decided to quit – I won in Unemployment Office – I proved intolerable working conditions for all the hazing and harassment I endured for more than six years on that job.

ADOA management fired me because I am transsexual and inter-sexed as their retaliation when I filed my whistle-blower action against ADOA management and higher-grade co-workers.  I kept a public log of eventually nearly 200 crimes committed by upper management at ADOA costing the State of Arizona hundreds of thousands of Dollars in losses.  My bipartisan action angered ADOA management and top state government of both major parties.  During my whistle-blower hearing, my supervisor / agency director openly admitted under oath committing three more federal felonies in his scheme to fire me.  Of course, he was the manager and I was the employee and that is how things work in Arizona government – the crooked manager kept his job and I got fired.

Actually – truthfully – the real reason I got fired by ADOA was really truly because of my sex change.  I kept my medical matters secret and private.  They discovered it, a manager called me into her office, and told me I would be fired for it (2007).  Arizona has no protections for transsexuals. Nor am I aware there are federal protections for a transsexual – unlike protections for homosexuality, religion, ethnicity, or disability, or any other ‘protected class’ – we are not a ‘protected class’.  Authorities no longer classify transsexualism as a ‘disability’ – we are normal people.  Eventually my agency fired me as ‘mentally unfit’ – that being transsexual made me ‘mentally unfit’ for State employment.  Fine on the surface, yet it sucks that discrimination covers sex, race, and religion but not transsexual.  Same-sex marriage equality is legal now but we transsexuals are not.  I just get tired of those people discriminating against us while they sit on their holier-than-thou perch violating moral codes up and down the line.

I won my case at ADOA to be restored to my job but the agency refused to comply.  They blatantly ignored the order and forced me to file suit – which I did; I filed my six month ‘Notice of Claim’ which meant that I would file my full lawsuit within six months.  I examined my situation during that time.  The big issue was – What if I lost my ‘Claim’?  Then I’d have no victory from my original action and then I’d be forced to fight an appeal against the State to have that decision over-turned.  Court is a cr*p-shoot.  What if I lost those appeals?  Then I’d lose it all.  Instead, now, I ALWAYS have my piece of paper that says I won and no one can take that from me – not even the agency.  I again filed at UI and also won – the agency did not even contest my claim of their ‘hostile work environment’ against me nor did the agency appeal the UI determination to my favour – they knew I had all the goods against them.  Of course that UI expired when the Republicans failed to extend UI eligibility in 2011.

There is no further action or active lawsuit.  That ended about five years ago.  As I wrote, transsexual is not a ‘protected class’ to file any lawsuit.  We went from being ‘disabled’, to normal, to now being exposed to retaliatory action without any defence.  Congress would have to change that law.  Do you really think Republicans who control Congress would change that law???

I had no legal help – my lawyer ditched me at the last-moment.  I did what I did on my own; I filed my original case, I got my former director to admit three times in sworn testimony under oath that he committed federal felonies against me,  I won on my own, and I was the one who devised my end game because it was the best that I could do for that circumstance.  EEOC refused to help – ‘transsexual’ is not a ‘protected class’.  ACLU refused to help.  LGBT lawyers refused to help.  AFSCME union refused to help.  Nope, they all left me to fend for myself – alone.

I have no regrets because – as I wrote – I have my papers that say I won despite all the hardship that has followed and I would do nothing differently because I held to my morals and principals – which is why I get so ticked at some when there are people in this world who accuse me of having NO MORALS as a transsexual.  They do not know me and what discrimination I have endured since my earliest childhood when all I want to do is live a normal life.

Of course life has been extremely harsh since my separation began in 2008.  I lost a lot financially and personally.  The worst was last year when crooks burglarised and ransacked my home while I was away for a short duration.  They stole nearly everything and destroyed my home.  Worst, they stole irreplaceable personal possessions – photographs, and mementos, and personal papers, not to mention I had priceless Currier and Ives place settings from my parents’ estate, collectible books (priceless first editions with autograph signatures – some dating more than 200 years old), and a massive record collection (78s – 45s – EPs – LPs) dating from as long ago as the 1920s; the books and records that filled my spare bedroom ‘library’ – mostly all gone.  The crooks also stole much of my ‘Rock Club Rising’ TV show VHS videotapes – all historical music footage from the Arizona music scene during the 1990s and early 2000s.  (Read ‘Eat the Document’ at Phoenix New Times) – also gone by the crooks – never to be seen again.  It sent me into a major depression that I broke only earlier this year.

No pity parties please.  I must continue living and moving on.  I still have lived a wonderfull life, experienced many of the best of life, and am working toward many good opportunities in my future.


And to ‘anyone’ reading this – everything I posted here is public record – there are no secrets to this.  Prowl – have at it.  I can keep private what is private.  My point is simple – that this information that I shared is all in public information so there is nothing to hide.  If ‘anyone’ wants to find it – and I know who you are – you can see my web-site with all these documents and court filings.  You can also read everything doing a web search.


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