‘Elation!’

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(Draft)

(17 Jun 17)

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‘Elation!’

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Dear Reader:

This is a two-fer day.  I had been writing and expected to split one post into two topics:  politics and procedures.  Instead. I have written enough to separate each topic to its own post.

Enjoy whichever or both – as you choose.

This second one is procedures.  It follows politics.

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IMG_0058As I recall, rates for my stay at Baan Siri Cottages were 1100 THB – slightly more than $30 per day.  Rates for either Dusit or Vertical exceeded $60 per day for their studio – nearly double compared to Baan Siri; one bedroom and two bedroom at Vertical or Dusit must be quite a bit more now – two years later.

IMG_0052My support group friends are at Bangkok.  Her employer arranged for her to work long distance.  I understand her predicament.  When I was a state employee, my supervisor would never have allowed my absence for more than two weeks – I know – I asked when I was trying to make my actual arrangements to go to Dr. Biber at Trinidad, Colorado, during the 1990s.  I realised that I would need to fabricate a cover story for an extended leave before those limited two weeks of vacation time off.  I decided that I’d do my two weeks vacation leave, then make up a cover story for sick leave during the remainder of my absence – call my supervisor from the clinic and tell her that I got seriously ill and had to be hospitalised while out of town – that I could not travel home until the attending physician released me.

*(2016 01 xx) Chettawut Clinic Post-op Instructions (3) (Dilation Schedule) (full page)

Here are some of my perspectives about ‘duty’.

I apologise, I am presuming that you chose a dilation option.  With your un-packing, you marked your first time on your own.  Perhaps #4 appears impossible today, note on your chart that you will be there in a few short weeks.  ‘Duty’ will require your primary attention your first two years post-op.  Your persistence will be rewarded; your diligence to your schedule will be rewarded – for your own self, for the time when you are ready for your intimate partner.

Most of you remain in Thailand for only your 30-days visa; you barely advance to add #2 when you depart for home.  My extended Thailand residency meant that I advanced and was regularly working #3 while I recovered at Baan Siri before I travelled home.  I was fortunate to have the opportunity that came my way.  I was not limited by work requirements or other home obligations.  I went to Chaengwattana federal center to maximise my visa during my first week at Thailand; I extended my Thai experience through three calendar months.  I would have stayed longer if there was a possibility.  Perhaps someday I might set up temporary residence there.

Persistence – work with #1 til you are ready for #2, and so on.  Your clock does not start until you attain full depth.  Do not rush to make depth; haste can lead to serious injury.  It must never hurt or cause pain.  Your introitis must never be rubbed raw, your inside must never be sore or ache.  You are doing well when you feel satisfied, maybe experienced orgasms, and you have no pains.  As Dr. Chettawut says, ‘relax’ and ‘take deep breaths’.

It is best to go directly from one size to the next without any break.  Therefore, it is important to avoid disruptive nature calls.  Start your session after you empty both your bladder and bowel, otherwise your abdominal muscles will be in conflict with your ability to ‘relax’ your vaginal muscles.  My deepest vaginal muscle is both highly reflexive and extraordinarily strong, it wants to clamp down hard as soon as the dilator touches – it might not allow the dilator to advance no matter how much lube; sometimes for me, a solid cough distracts that muscle.

This is when you must ‘relax’, ‘take deep breaths’.

It is important to follow your surgeon’s directions.  Again, allow me to describe my alternate; Dr Chettawut does not endorse this, but it works for me because I developed it through carefull attention.  Sometimes I do not begin with #1, I instead begin with #2.  This is possible as I progressed from year one, to year two, to year three.  My anatomy is not as tight now as it was post-op, nor as it was by the end of my first year, second year.  This looseness seems to enhance sensation – my muscles are gawd more flexible as I work them.

Take in your senses as you insert and remove your appliance.  Focus on how it feels as it slips in – increment by increment.  Focus on how your muscles spasm and throb.  You are approaching orgasm.

(2016 06 19) Chettawut Clinic Dilators IMG_0512Dr. Chettawut’s devices are straight rather than curved.  As a patient of Dr. Chetttawut, I admit my bias for the equipment that he supplied to me.  These straight devices allow me to rotate them as well as move them while in duty – not possible with a curved dilator.

I developed my own duty plan that I reported to Dr. Chetttawut; he does not endorse my once-per-day 4-hours sessions (I enjoy experiencing multiple orgasms and feeling fine), but it works for my personal circumstances.  I stay with #1 as long as I determine (at least one hour at a time) then advance to #2 (another hour minimum) and continue accordingly to #3, and finally to #4.  Or maybe I retain #2, #3, or #4 beyond one hour; maybe go to two or three hours each; I do extra time when orgasms are running their course.  I also sleep with an inserted dilator; this practise is likewise not endorsed by Dr. Chettawut, but it works for me because I developed it for myself with caution and care.

You can recover from missed sessions.  Allow me to share my current predicament.  I had been ill nearly three weeks; I suspended my ‘duty’ at least two weeks.  With caution and persistence, I worked from #1 through #4 all day Wednesday and restored my capacity by the end of that day as if I lost no days.  I’ve been good with #1 to #3 in this current recovery; I was patient with #4 as I recovered, and am now easy with it.

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Dunno your prior experience or any preference of lube, here’s my take on lube.

Lube is an essential part of your daily routine during the first two post-op years of your life.

(2017 06 23) Lube Syringe IMG_0529Use water-based lube.  This lube absorbs properly.  Some friends use coconut oil.  I bought some coconut oil expecting to try it, but chickened out.  I never had to douche pre-Dr. Chettawut.  Dr. Chettawut advised me that I should never have the need to douche as long as I use only water-soluble, absorbable lube.  For this, I adhere to his instruction.

Be certain that you sufficiently lube your device, but not too much that wastes it.  One alternate, inject lube (from 0.5g to 1g) rather than putting it on your appliance; not too deep, just past your introitis so that lube stays inside, rather than being wiped off by your labia.

Order the extra supply from Dr. Chettawut, or whomever is your doctor, before you depart Bangkok.  His lube (‘Q-C’ in the picture below) works better than what I find here at home.  I combine the low-priced lube (injected) with the adhesive lube (applied to the dilator):

  • Walmart sells a 3-ounce tube for $.88 (‘Lubri-Gel’):  this formula has minimal adhesion to the device  – this lube might dribble off before you finish applying it – so I inject this rather than apply it to the dilator.
  • Walmart sells a 4-ounce tube for $1.98 (‘Equate’):  this lube works well applied to the dilator.
  • Fry’s (Kroger) sells a 4-ounce tube for $2.19:  save your change, the quality is equal to the $1.98 Walmart lube.

(2017 06 23) Five Lubes IMG_0527K-Mart, CVS, Walgreens, Target (‘Up and Up’) lube is outrageously over-priced.   Dunno about CostCo, I do not hold membership.

Name-brand lubes are more than double the price of store-brand despite the same ingredients formula.

You will be using at least one tube per week to start.  This will increase to two tubes per week once you get to your full-time schedule of all four dilators three times per day.  Thus, over your long run, that 20 cents difference between the Walmart 4-ounce tube versus the Fry’s 4-ounce tube begins to amount to quite a financial impact.  It makes it further obvious that you may want to stay with the $.88 tube as the most economical per unit price.

This is another reason why I now hold sessions once per day for the same accumulated time as if three times per day.  It saves on lube since working consecutively from #1 through #4 once per day uses considerably less lube than three times per day.

Request your gyn prescribe vaginal estrogen cream for you.  This will help you in its own right.  If your labia tend to rub lube off your dilator, then re-purpose your vaginal applicator to inject lube – again, not too deep, just inside your introitis.

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One of your priorities upon returning home is to schedule your 6-months and 12-months post-op gynecology appointments – best done by a post-op specialist – unless you will be returning to Dr Chettawut for them.  Lucky you!  (Take me with you.  Please!!!)

Here’s where being both Mom and patient companion can prepare your new daughter for her exams, especially if she has had no prior familiarity with pelvic exams.  I really, deeply am pleased that you have a fabulous mother – daughter relationship.  My mom wanted little to do with me; further, my sister wants little to do with me.

My post-op specialist gynecologist used the big-screen TV monitor at my recent annual gyn exam.  We could see far better – and much more – this time than she could by visual and me by mirror previously.  It was really cool looking at everything in great detail – inside and outside.

I watched her this time as she swabbed my cervix with the butterfly scraper for my Pap smear.  This enlarged view makes me appreciate that much better how well Dr. Chettawut accommodated my pre-op anatomy to his surgery capabilities.  Kapung khaf, Dr. Chettawut!

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Your first weeks at Bangkok are in your past.  This closing week will pass quickly.  Savour every moment!  How I want to return to Thailand – I experienced many more emotions there than Salt Lake City.  But I was so stealth during those two events (1982 and 1983) that I had no one to share it; we at Baan Siri shared our experiences among each one of us and have become life-long friends for it.  Good for you that you developed friendships where you resided at Bangkok – cherish them – your shared experience among you will remain with you for the rest of your lives.

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Transdar?

I think that I saw a trans-woman while shopping at Goodwill’s half-price day today.   She was acting nervous in the womenswear aisle – we all know how that goes – been there, done that.

She looks nice.

I smiled and said ‘Hello’ to her as we passed in the aisle – she had a masculine voice in reply.

I wanted to say something – speak words of encouragement.  But that’s not proper etiquette.

  • What if she doesn’t want to be out?   Even by another who means well.
  • What if I was wrong?  Ouch!

I wish well for her.

Maybe we shall meet again at another Goodwill half-price day.

*(1949 xx xx) I Was A Male War Bride MV5BMWExY2QwMzYtNGVhMy00NjcyLTk1MWQtMDA1M2JjMGFlNzE1XkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNjc1NTYyMjg@._V1_SY1000_CR0,0,666,1000_AL_

‘I Was a Male War Bride’ (c1949) (Cary Grant) was on TV last week (Movies TV):

  • ‘Turning a man into a woman is enormously complicated’,
  • ‘I’m wondering which sex I am’,
  • ‘I’m a war bride’.

‘Whoa fella’ – the first trans-woman.

Tee-hee!

The story-line is the perfect example of ‘SNAFU’.  The law provided for the ‘married spouse’ of American military personnel, but military management only thought to apply it to brides, not grooms.  Patriarchally sexist.

Here’s where I found that movie poster (kapung khaf):

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Sunday was a beautifull day!  I was doing yard work while the temperature was mild.  I took my patio shower; I felt refreshed and clean.  I felt good mentally.

I shared with my friend that I am not suicidal and do not mean to be morbid if my texting came out wrong.  During these past few weeks, I have been suffocating on my congestion while I slept; I awoke gasping for air.  I am reasonably fine while I am awake, active, whether indoors or outside.  I had been reasonably clear since the time I woke up at 6 am that morning.  But I awoke violently – gasping for air, coughing out congestion that filled my lungs.

I sleep upright.  I have been unable to sleep comfortably flat on my back, on either side, or my stomach since my 1999 collision; my muscles tense, I suspect it is a sub-conscious reflex reaction to my injuries.

My fear is that I might die in my sleep; my fear is dying alone.  I lost two friends that way 20 years ago:

  • Linda was single and lived alone, she ‘died in her sleep’
  • Mary died of a heart attack – alone – while dressing for work, her family already gone for their day.

My dad had me with him when he died.  I want to have someone with me when I die.

I do not want to die, not yet, but I need to be ready.  I came to realise that I must take care of the material concerns of my life; it has been nearly a decade since I last reviewed my will and that is too long.  I need to spend time on the affairs of my estate.  I need to consult with my friends about my estate.

My current document is something that I discussed with most all named parties more than a decade ago.  New people have entered my life; it is important to acknowledge these latest relationships.

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My friend and I shared our common ideas about life and death the other day:

  • Agree – I want to go in my sleep; nothing violent or catastrophic.
  • Agree – fear is the ‘how’.  I do not want to wake up to die, just fall asleep and never awake.
  • Agree – our other world support will meet and help us; but I really want someone on ‘this side’ to send me on my way.  I had meetings and heard voices when I was in deep depression (after the state fired me and my 2014 episode).  People and pets spoke to me.  They cheered me on.  I miss them all, I can’t wait to see them again.
  • Agree – no such thing as ‘death’, just transition to eternal energy.

Then a strong wind (tornado?) came from the South travelling North – lasting maybe 30 seconds – heavy dust carrying debris.  Was this a sign?

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Point of fact, I’m feeling elated!  This is recent realisation.

Allow me to elaborate what happened.  My Dasahori (Greece) school-mates were searching for me in their process of recently beginning a new web-site for we Dasahori students – they persisted and never quit.  They found me when they did an Internet search for ‘Dasahori’ and realised that the Sharon who posted about Dasahori on this web-site was the Nick of their search – that the Nick of their search is now Sharon.

Forty-five years and they still have fond memories of me (as I of them), they are posting some of the sweetest, kindest words at the Dasahori web-site (as I of them).  Even now knowing about me, it makes no difference, they still like me (as I of them).  Their recollections are of me as a nice boy who was always friendly to each one; they were always friendly and kind to me.  Efharisto!

Quite a pleasant change from the harassment from my sister Kathy and cousin Bev.

IMG_0109 (2016 01 19) Orange Flag boatI thanked them profusely; I shared how deeply I feel their support, how much I have always cherished my year with them, and apologised for my bad behaviour, or at least what I recalled.  I explained that they are the only people from my ‘before’ who are in my ‘now’ life, that I lost all ‘friends’, and that Cousin Nancy is my only family.

Brad told me that he frequently travels to Thailand; he will be leaving now to visit his daughter the next two weeks while she is there, that he was at Bangkok when I was there.  Wow!  We were two orange flags passing in the stream.

Jenny wants us all to visit.  I proposed that we formulate a class re-union.

It is all profound!

Efharisto, my Dasahori Friends!

My Dasahori school-mates were American and one British boy.  They were children who had a parent who worked for ‘Voice of America’ – civil service or construction contractors.

Sadly, I have no pictures of Dasahori to share with my Dasahori friends; the crooks who ransacked and burglarised my home stole what I had.  My Dasahori friends have plenty of their pictures to share.  Efharisto!

I browsed my search engine for ‘Dasahori’ and got curious results:

  • Who is ‘Dasahori’ on Twitter?

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Father’s Day is recognised in the USA this Sunday.

I wrote a Father’s Day message last year.

Allow me to share with you, Dear Reader, a record that was popular in 1969; my dad made me buy it:

I suppose that it is a song of respect toward an adopting father.  No matter that my adopting father abused me.

I shared a long conversation with one of my support group friends earlier this week.  I commented about my dad – that I have many bad memories of my father, yet there were the choice events when he was as much my cherished father as he ever could be.

I arrived on Father’s Day 1989 when I travelled to New Jersey to be with my dad for his last three weeks.

I miss you, Pop.  We missed so much that we could have had to share, but you left too soon.

I miss having family.

Kathy’s last texts to me were attacks at me – that was about a month ago.

I wish my parents were around to see that i’m not the devil child they made me.

I’m glad for you, my Thai experience sister friend, that you had a loving family, your parents’ memories keep you motivated.

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(1970 06) Slim - Crater Lake (sitting - portrait)Kapung khaf. Thank you for visiting.

Please read my prior post.  It is about politics and history repeating itself.

Please come again.

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