‘If I Wrote Another Letter To My Sister’


*(1970 06) Slim - Crater Lake (sitting - portrait)

‘If I Wrote Another Letter To My Sister’

(2 Jan 18)
(A Really Rough Draft)


Welcome back, Dear Reader.

It looked like I had one more essay to post for 2017.  Nope.  This had to wait, mature, til 2018.


Allow me to begin with the back story.

My sister Kathy wrote a text to me last month telling me that she had a dresser chest to send to me.  She told me that this furniture was her mother’s, that she was planning to trash it in the course of her current ‘downsizing’ craze, but that she would send it to me if I wanted it.  I replied to Kathy that, yes, I will accept this offering.  It’s the sentimentalist in me.  Kathy can so easily trash an antique that her grandfather made for her mother, yet I hold personal value to that furniture.

I asked Kathy to tell me when she would be sending it, when it would arrive here so that I can receive it rather than the carrier leaving it at my front door.  Nope; she never responded.  As you will read, Kathy sent this chest to me via UPS.  Neither she nor UPS reported the imminence of this item.  Instead, UPS simply dumpt this box at my driveway and departed without alerting me of its delivery.  I know this because I was home the day that it arrived.  The UPS delivery driver did not come to my door, did not ring my doorbell, did not even come to the open window at my driveway.

I noticed this box the next day – this monstrosity set in my driveway.  I could not take time to figure its sudden appearance as I had to make my way on the bus for my appointment for my MIHS CT scans.  I returned home about 9:30 pm and fought with Kathy’s box for nearly 30 minutes trying to put it where I hoped it will not be stolen – the un-opened box itself is too big to lug inside.  Kathy sent what I thought was supposed to be a small chest, but it is in a huge box that ‘weighs a ton’; stickers on the box read ‘weighs more than 70 pounds’.

I observed a UPS delivery driver another day later while walking to the bus stop.  Not once did that driver knock on any door or ring any doorbell.  The driver dumpt the package and departed leaving the package there for the taking by the next ‘patio pirate’.

That box Kathy sent is heavy!  There are stickers on it that identifies that it weighs ‘more than 70 pounds’.

I requested Alana join me for an opening ceremony as we did for the other boxes that Kathy sent to me.


With some editing, I sent this Messenger text to Kathy (25 Nov 17):


I am not familiar with your happenings.  I am guessing that Rachael is no longer getting married but that it was an amicable break to have her ex- with you.  Maybe you’ll tell me the background of Mike and Rachael back east.  I wish they would correspond with me – they never have; you wrote that you consider all my correspondences ‘nastygrams from Sharon’.  From my perspective, I feel likewise of yours; you and me – we have baggage that I want to clear but you don’t want to share them with me.  I wish we could all correspond better.

So what did I do on Thanksgiving Day 2017?

I ate what I put in the slow cooker the prior night:  carrots, red potatoes, red onions, squash, celery; with canned tuna; topped with yoghourt, spiced with cayenne; fresh cranberries on the side.

I shared texts with friends.

I used my Obama-phone to browse its limited Internet:

  • To reminisce, I browsed both my old blog at the Thom Hartmann site and a few of my posts from my current site.
  • I searched the Stanford University Medical Center site and took a walk down memory lane.
  • I read other bloggers’ posts from ‘T-Central’.

I wrote drafts and made revisions for my web-site that I posted today.

I watched music videos (IZ Videos).

I watched movies on TV (Movies TV):  ‘Kramer versus Kramer’, ‘The Graduate’.

I watched PBS Independent Lens (‘Shadow World’).

I am still searching for the truth about Uncle Frank and Cousin Steve and why my questions go un-answered.

I took care of personal business with my four numbered friends at the end of the day and over-night to Friday, but you likely don’t wanna hear those details.

In all due respect, Kathy, we have never talked about it, it is something that I really want to share with you, maybe you don’t want to know that I began ‘stealth’ right under everyone’s nose in 1974.  Both Mom and Dad knew my Transsexualism since at least age 3 (don’t know what you knew, you won’t share), but they did everything to stop me – it didn’t work, eh.  Mom knew that I wanted my name Sharon since we had a major argument (they called it ‘feminine protesting’) when Mom resided at Earll Drive.  Dad beat me all my life, the underlying reason was my Transsexualism; it was why we went to Greece.

I had to stay late at the grocery wi-fi because it was too slow to finish sooner.  I am on my way home on the bus.  Maybe we can talk on the telephone if you want to; I expect that you want nothing to do to read my web-site to learn about me.

Kapung Khaf.



With some editing, I sent this follow-up text to Kathy (3 Dec 17):


Wai and Sahwdee Khaf Sunday.

My Primary examined me last Wednesday; she ordered three CT scans of my head and neck.  The hospital suddenly called Thursday morning and summoned me immediately to Radiology.  On my way to catch the bus was when I saw your box.  Radiology did the scans, I went to my Primary to confirm my next appointment this Wednesday.

Your shipper made no call or notice that your delivery was coming.  Dunno exactly what time it arrived?  I found it at my carport as I made my dash to the hospital to do my CT scans.  I had no time to deal with its sudden appearance.  I hoped that no one would drive by and steal it while I was gone.

That thing is heavy; I’m a 61 years old woman, not a 20-something man.  I lugged it to hide it inconspicuously between the car and the storage room.

I invited Alana to an ‘opening ceremony’ at some time in the future.



This was Kathy’s reply (4 Dec 17):


the chest itself is not heavy. Use your brain not your braun. Unwrap it take out the drawers. They contain a bible,  candles, etc. that contribute to the weight. Forgo the “opening ceremony “ it’s just a chest not the holy grail.

FYI I loaded the chest into my car & carried it into the UPS office by myself. & paid $300 to have it sent to u!! So you’re welcome!!  Hope u enjoy it & have a nice day!!


In the past, Kathy made herself absent from my life; she made no contact with me from 2001 to 2010.  That’s who she is, that’s why her existence faded from my memory during those years.  Her absence from my life lessened the hurt that I otherwise felt by her absence.

I watched a couple Charlie Bronson shoot ’em ups on TV for my Christmas Day.  I planned to watch music videos (IZ Videos TV) then ‘Godfather’ if I didn’t snooze first.   There’s no point playing the tape if I was to sleep through it.

As I wrote in a prior post, staying home meant that I would have missed CBS ’60 Minutes’ (‘Delivered From Evil’).  ‘Delivered …’  was on my topic of ‘Peace’; my blog is now better having seen that.


Surprise!  Kathy wrote a brief holiday text to me (25 Dec 17):


Very Merry Christmas to u & Elena!! Hope u are having a happy holiday!!


Oops, Kathy couldn’t get Alana’s name correct after all the times when I have written it to her.  Oh well, though short, I accepted her note.

I sent this reply to Kathy (26 Dec 17):

Kathy, Glenn, Mike, Racheal:

Wai, Sook San Wan Khith Maath, Kala Hristougena. and Good post-Merry Christmas.

Well, it was not the day as planned and that’s okay.

Alana and I considered attending either her Church on Sunday morning or Catholic Vigil Mass on Sunday evening; we’d do lunch Sunday afternoon at either ‘Souper Salad’ or ‘Mandarin Buffet’ – either before or after.

Alana’s home is 45 miles north of the city.  We met at our support group Saturday morning and had lunch at IHOP instead so that she didn’t need to fight holiday traffic and crowds either Sunday or Monday.

I went outside to write while sitting on the back patio.  I expected a warm day, but the weather was not much – heavy overcast with clear skies just a bit north.  No music videos on TV – it was one helicopter after another overhead that interferes with digital TV reception.  No ‘Godfather’ Christmas evening (quirky, huh, to me it’s a ‘Christmas movie’, much of the plot occurs at Christmas).

I was drowsy Sunday evening and fell asleep as I composed this.  I am still affected by the assault:

  • I get drowsy,
  • my neck hurts,
  • that radiates to throbbing headaches,
  • my ears ring,
  • I am forgetfull – I forgot to shut off the shower last week, the water ran til I noticed that when next I went to the bathroom hours later.

I set out three places of food and fresh water for Mama Cat.  I was lonely without Sweetness and Ghost; I miss them sitting with me on the patio.

I ended Christmas Day eating ‘Sri Lanka carrots’ with some Wally canned mackerel and spiced with cayenne pepper.  Not as yummy as Thai food at Baan Siri.  Sheesh!  It’s two years since my travel to Thailand.  I wanna go back.



Alana’s Christmas present to me was a bag of ‘Fritos’ and a can of mixed nuts.

I love nuts.  I was puzzled at the ‘Fritos’.  It has been perhaps decades since the last time I ate ‘Fritos’.  I presumed them still made heavily salted and with chemicals.  She assured me otherwise; sure enough, I read the ingredients:  corn, corn oil, and salt.  My inter-sex condition causes a problem metabolising salt; these ‘Fritos’ were not that salty, my body tolerated the salt.

Kapung Khaf, Alana.  Your gifts were yummy!


Here follows are my current accumulated thoughts that I want to share with Kathy.  I may, or may not, send this to Kathy once this holiday season concludes, when she does not feel obligated to be nice to me, when we can return to our normal ways:


(- to be posted -)



‘Susan’s Place’ posted an article about the Catholic Church and Trans:

  • ‘Catholic Bishops spearhead letter encouraging parents to reject their transgender kids’


I posted this Comment:

I’m a former Catholic.  I departed from the Church nearly four decades ago because of their rejection of my personhood.


‘That a man can be or become a woman or vice versa.’

Those Catholics present their declaration riddled with own hypocrisy.

No one is ‘becoming’ in their sense of the word.  We already ‘are’.  They admit it so in their text that their own god says so in Genesis – their god created all and ‘everything was good’.  We are part of their god’s Creation and we are ‘good’.

Trans and inter-sex are all part of the natural order of Creation as performed by their god.

Catholics talk about ‘mystery’ of their god’s Creation.  We are all part of that ‘mystery’.


‘Children especially are harmed when they are told that they can “change” their sex.’

Trans and inter-sex people do not ‘change’ our sex, our innate identity already defined us whoever we are.  We employ the science of medicine – a Creation of their god – to enable our opportunity to do the best we can to live as best as we can in our innate identity.


‘Given hormones that will affect their development and possibly render them infertile as adults.’

This is a point the really rankles Catholics.  They want their wimin to be barefoot breeders and men to not ‘spill their seed’.


‘How parents respond to their children’s gender identities can have drastic consequences for their mental health.’

My family thought I was ‘so cute’ as an out Transsexual child of the 1950s and 1960s; but when they realised the actuality of my Transsexualism as a teen, they suddenly did everything that they could to deny me.  They failed that.  I began transition as soon as I was an adult and I had to endure their grind against my mental health.


‘Trans kids are not full of “confusion and self-doubt’.


No one in our family seemed to question my sister’s identity when she asserted her femalehood.  I knew my identity from the earliest of my memory, yet they tried to counter my assertion.  They were ‘confused’, not me.


‘In all of the letter’s talk of compassion, it does not reference the discrimination transgender people experience in employment, housing, health care, education, the justice system, and public accommodations.’


It is legal in the USA to discriminate against a Trans-person.

  • I was fired from work twice – both times I lost my career and had to start new from scratch.
  • The courts systems failed to support my claims of discrimination when I grieved my firings.
  • I have had to fight for my healthcare when doctors dropt me from coverage.
  • I graduated from a well-known Baptist University in ‘stealth’ – if only they knew – but LGBTIQ is against their policies in employment and education.

These hits of discrimination also meant a great loss of financial security to me; I can’t be the only one. I calculated my cost being Trans exceeds $2 million of lost income over the course of my work life. Instead, I endured poverty; their politics want to take away from my earned Social Security retirement and MediCare health benefit.


Thank you, Dear Reader, for a great 2017; thank you for coming to visit my little ol’ corner of the cyber world.

As one friend from support group reminded us about ‘family’:  ‘Our community is ‘family’.’  With that, Dear Reader, if you find yourself alone, then please make your own ‘family’ with the people who really do care for you.

Here’s wishing you, Dear Reader, a Happy New Year, Hronia Polla, Sahwdee Piee Mai.

Please return throughout this new year for more goodies.



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