‘Past Imperfect, Future Perfect’
(10 Jun 2019)
You can’t go home again.
Nor can you resurrect past relationships and broken relationships.
I suppose that I learned those lessons many times. I wanted to make one final effort at my age when the future number of years is but a fraction of the past number of years. I want no reasoned regrets.
I was thinking during the past couple hours – more like past year and more – that’s when I get dangerous.
I decided to no longer pursue people from my past who rejected me.
That means family. Or, I must say, people who merely presented themselves to be ‘family’. As I have written here and elsewhere, the identity of my biological family is unknown to me. Mine is not quite as simple as a legal piece of paper.
- The woman who raised me to call her ‘Mom’ is most definitely ‘not the mommy’; she made that clear throughout my life.
- My ‘father’, well, that is far more complicated; he played circumspect.
I made an effort through the years to search for extended members of that family. I eventually made contact as Internet search systems improved.
I now realise that I made a big mistake. I learned that the responsibility does not set on my shoulders to be the one obliged to repair those fractured relationships.
How can I establish any relationship with people who are the ones who deliberately decided to have nothing to do with me during the past 20, 30, 40, 50 years!
I realise that I have nothing to share with that family. This is on them.
I have written to my sister Kathy numerous times during the years, but she makes minimal effort to return the favour. She spews invective when she does correspond.
I wrote to newly-located cousins. Their replies are polite, but I must realise that they denied me from their past. Why should they offer any place for me in their future?
I wrote to a niece and a nephew – another mistake. It is their mom’s responsibility, not mine, to explain to them why she kept me from being part of their lives. They chose to accept their mother’s deceit; it was their decision that they made no effort to correspond with me since becoming adult (they had my contact information all these years).
As such, it’s what runs in the family – theirs, not mine.
My sister Kathy wrote that she doesn’t want to examine and resolve our past. My nephew duplicated that same sentiment; as he wrote, I never existed in their past and there is no place for me in their future.
A couple months ago, Kathy and I signed legal papers that severed the last of all legal ties to our relationship. They were property documents still remaining from our father’s death (1989) and subsequent distribution of his estate.
These final two properties were among at least a dozen parcels of land that our father left to us to share. Kathy’s claim for several years was that none of them existed, but she was forced to admit her scam against me when the County officer refused to transfer ownership to her without my consent; our father retained my ‘before’ name Nick on the parcel records.
Seems that Kathy was the one who sought to keep me strung along all these three decades. She would not be civil, so at least she would be un-civil.
Among the worst, and final, in this was that Kathy left me owing nearly $3000 County property tax on property that, for years, she once swore never existed.
Kathy told me that I am wrong, that we are siblings by blood. I repeatedly asked her to provide documentation, she refuses. As for me, I presented mounds of records to her that prove that I am not her blood sibling. Certainly, no family member would do to another member what she has done to me during our lifetimes.
Great idea! That family is my past. Toodles!
Are you reading this?
You closed the door on me. You know how to contact me if you really want change.
This is part of my Spring Cleaning:
- clearing out the toxic people,
- welcoming my friends.
Of course, there are my Pinewood and Dasahori school-mates among that latter category – the welcoming friend. They became a discovered treasure during this past year. Maybe they have become something of a quasi-family. There are some who accept me – at least, those who have been corresponding with me and those who keep me in their mind. Ευχαριστώ πολύ.
There are people in my life who are my support.
There will be plenty of others in my future – the excitement will come with new people.
I ask this request from my friends. Keep me in line. Give me a swift kick in the shins the next time I pull another stunt like this.
I found a great way to make my return trip to Bangkok:
OK Go – ‘Upside Down and Inside Out’
I wanna be on that flight!
After all, ‘Gravity is just a habit’.
Enjoy through the world of creative memes the words of wisdom that I found throughout the cyber experience.
‘Thank you’ to the Resources who contribute to this page.
Thank you for visiting today.
Thank you for bearing with my personal reminiscences.
Be nice to one another. Keep your words and actions kind and decent; no insults, we are better people.
Please return for another essay.