‘No Memories Today’

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‘No Memories Today’
(25 Dec 2020)
 
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(2019 06 09) Slimand Me (Thassos -February 1973) 50091091_2252905174984063_633501676090687488_n*
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Dear Reader:
 
This was Facebook’s message to me for Christmas Day’s ‘Memories’ page:
 
‘No Memories Today
There aren’t any Memories to see or share today, but we’ll let you know when you have some to look back on.’
 
That’s kinda true.  I have some good memories when I was a small child.  Essentially, they occurred before my parents separated, divorced, and settled on permanent custody to our father for my sister Kathy and me.  That calamity worked its way during my 1st Grade (1962 – 1963 school year).
 
As that small child, I was mystified by the decorations – the light in the front window, the large incandescent light bulbs on the tree, the Christmas ornaments on the tree (especially that patridge ornament).

I recall getting some sort of toy cannon that had a spring load to fire plastic balls.  I remember having a ‘Rifleman’ toy rifle.  I remember receiving a bowling set of a plastic bowling ball and plastic ten pins.

Most of my remaining Christmas season memories during my childhood are accompanied by negative, forgetable events.  Essentially, my father was expert at setting me up – bringing out the good, only to be followed by one of his tantrms or another, yelling at me, cursing at me.

To escape that abuse, I inevitably sought comfort in the quiet of my room behind the closed door.  Perhaps this is what made me introverted, what brought out my self-isolation, where I found my safety within my self.

Topping that family aggression might seem minor to some, but is massive to me.  Our father took a family Christmas picture in 1970.  I had no idea about the existence of this family picture til maybe less than a decade ago when I was organsing pictures to take to the UA Library to scan.  There it was – a picture with my father and Kathy; Kathy was holding Slim.  My image was excluded from that picture, barely seen along the edge.

No mistaking it.  Excluding me was deliberate.  You see, my father frequently took these family photographs by setting the camera on the tripod and meticulously arranging us before he took the picture.  This was no different that Christmas.  Likely a picture that he never expected that I would find.  Kathy was everything to our father.  My presence in my father’s family was a big nothing; exclusion from the Christmas family photograph was proof.

 
(1972 12 00) Dad - Kathy - Nick (Vienna)
Yes, my two years (1971 – 1973) living at Greece, travelling throughout Europe, contained memorable events.  But keep in mind the backdrop how we got there.  My father nearly killed me that Thursday evening in January 1971 – my father’s years of violence against me culminated because I dared tell him that I am a girl.  He accused my mother and her family of being a harmful influence on me.  His way of dealing with his reaction was to move us to Greece, to try to suppress my innate self.  He tainted what followed during those two years.
 
Nor did life get better when we returned home.  Dear Ol’ Dad was little better with the passing of each subsequent year.
 
(2019 06 16) Surnack Home - Mahwah 63213611_1797939466975200_6669567397273272320_nRecall what happened in late 1978. The Forest Service hired me for employment to begin early December 1978.  My father wailed how my move from his home would be my abandoning him, rather than congratulate me, support me on my first true job, my new independence moving from home to be on my own.  While I began my new job, my father travelled to visit his family at New Jersey.  What I would subsequently learn was that my father had actually made reservations to fly alone to New Jersey long before my Forest Service appointment.  He was quite eager to abandon me for Christmas 1978, he was expecting that I would never learn that truth.
 
I have written in multiple fashion how 1979 was the worse Christmas season despite being my momentous.  I felt the loneliness most that year.  Then I had my epiphany on New Years Eve 1979.  Someone at work made what he meant to be a snide comment.  He asked me, ‘Who do you live with?’  Reacting without pause, I replied, ‘I live with myself’.
 
Indeed I do!
 
It was progessing through my Transition that woke me up to my failures, to make me want to continue to be a better person despite my failures.
 
Certainly I am far from perfect, maybe still far from being a decent person.  My immaturity stuck out as a sore thumb merely five years ago.  I behaved as a stupid adolescent, I insulted people, rather than act the more mature adult whom I should have been.  My excuses and my apologies were too little, too late.
 
img_0093I hope that my continued efforts working towards maturity will make me a better person for my friends.
 
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G’bye 2020 – it’s all but gone.

Here’s hoping that you made 2020 a memorable year.

Merry Christmas!
สุขสันต์วันคริสต์มาส!
Sùk-sǎn wan Krít-mâat!
Boldog Karácsonyt!
Καλά Χριστούγεννα!
Kala Christouyenna!
Feliz Navidad!
A belated Happy Hanukah to you!
A belated Happy Kwanza to you!
A Happy Holidays and Seasons Greetings to all, no matter your persuasion!

Hello to 2021!

Here’s hoping that this coming year will bring you more happiness.

Happy New Year!
สวัสดีปีใหม่!
Sah Wah Dee Piee Mai!
Boldog Uj Évet Kívánok (B.ú.é.k.)
Χρόνια Πολλά!
Hronia Polla!
Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!
Feliz Año Nuevo!

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Let’s finish with a song.

The Beatles:
‘Christmas time is here’:
(https://youtu.be/KB7LX8mRRHM)

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Kapung Khaf!

Thank you, Alana, for inviting me to share your ‘White Christmas’ movie.

Today, I am watching ‘Godfather’. It, too, is a Christmas movie.

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To be clear, this essay is not meant to be a downer.  It merely presents that dose of reality, or at least it documents my reality.  Being Trans, going through Transition, finding acceptance, overcoming rejection, are issues not taken lightly, are obstacles that can encompass your life for many years.

– Sharon

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Thank you to the Resources who contribute to this page. Acknowledgement and credit goes to those who create their social media content, essays, pictures, and images. Note the current collection of news reports, pictures, meme images, and graphics appearing throughout this web-site.

Additional Resources:

Timely.  This came to my Facebook Feed today:

‘Ten things that I wish I knew before beginning Transition’.

(https://youtu.be/t_P8gfZIBHc)

One Trans woman lists what were important steps to her Transition. She mentioned coming out to family, friends, work, etc. Family acceptance (and rejection) remains an important element.

Coming out to people is quite a dilemma. There is no easy answer. You can only do it when it is correct for you, when it is safe for you.

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Dear Reader:

Thank you for visiting this post today.  I hope that this was positive information for you.

Please return for the next episode.

*(1970 06 00) Slim at Crater Lake (sitting) 62108991_353447288645822_7445126293500198912_n

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