Tag Archive | Crooked Drumpf

‘It’s A New Century’


(1970 06) Slim - Crater Lake (sitting - portrait)

‘It’s A New Century’


(04 Mar 18)


Welcome, Yassou, Wai, and Sahwdee Khaf, Dear Reader.

According to this web-site’s administration, this essay marks my 100th post.

Allow me to present a grab-bag of thoughts along the way.


I watched a few interesting videos on YouTube.

Here’s one about several phases:


Allow me to share another couple films.

I do not recall if these were on the movie list when a university student presented numerous Trans related films at a Trans Spectrum movie night about 18 months ago.

I discovered this first movie about two years ago.  Dunno?  Was there fate or total serendipity?  It came randomly next during a night of YouTube ‘auto-play’:

‘Different for Girls’ is a 1996 British / French drama film in which one of the protagonists is a transsexual woman.’

‘What would you do if your best High School buddy …?’

If nothing else, you can listen to the music track that’s pretty good and watch for the cameo of Ian Dury as the recovery agent.

Another movie is a telling of Renee Richards’ biography:

Allow my personal back-story relating to these two films that I may presume to be an experience some others share.

While I lived in stealth during the years of my adult life from 1974 til 2015, using my time to test how well I might be recognisable to people who did know the ‘before’ me but did not know the ‘after’ me became an occasional experiment.

My first such encounter occurred during my move from Utah to Arizona (June 1985).  I deliberately drove through where I previously resided.  My prior home was an apartment among the buildings lining the main street, downstairs was a small diner, at the corner was a service station.

That June day when I drove through town, I decided to test my presence.  I certainly was nervous.

What if someone did recognise me as Nick?  Would I acknowledge my past to them or deny any resemblance?  What if my presence caused trouble for me?  Would my ID and Drivers License as Sharon / female have been enough?

I was greeted with abuse when I drove to the service station for a fill-up.  The owner saw me – a 28-years old female – maneuvering towards the gas pumps.  I watched as he came out from his desk yelling expletives at me – calling me a dumb ‘bitch’ who had no business driving that moving truck.

The diner was far less involved.  The waitress sat me at a quiet table, I ordered lunch, ate, paid my tab, and went on my way un-noticed as any other traveller passing through town.

I have mixed feelings about what happened.  These were people who knew me Nick every day for two years (1978 – 1980).  Five years later they did not recognise me Sharon.  Some sense of relief, some sense of disappointment.

Tonight, after I watched ‘Different for Girls’, ‘Second Serve’ unexpectedly came up next on YouTube’s ‘auto-play’.  I made a VHS tape recording when CBS originally broadcast it many years ago; I watched it many times, the last was probably 2014.

Renee Richards is close to my time – we are contemporaries – she did her Transition during early-1970s, her operation was 1975 if I recall correctly.

I followed her legal battle during 1975, 1976.

If you don’t mind, I found multiple comparisons depicted in this Richards film to my own life.  Allow me to share these:

  • Richards’ complicated communication with her mom.  My mom refused to talk to me, refused to accept me.
  • Richards’ dad kinda came around but continued calling her Dick rather than Renee.  My dad continued calling me Nick, I accepted his use as his affection.
  • There will be a scene where Richards forgets her purse, her father takes it to her, and they share a glance and a hug.  My gawd!  That happened with my dad, too.  I’m sure it was awkward to him, but somehow it was a small gesture that still makes me cry thinking about it.  Damn, I wish he could have been alive a few years longer.

The ‘Second Serve’ story-line also includes a friend who accompanied Richards’ before, during, after.  Dunno if that is a composite characterisation to this film or her actual biography, but it takes me to recall my friendship with Clint when I see that character here – someone who knew me before, during, after – though he did not ‘know’ til ‘after’.

Clint and I became best friends early during our 12th Grade (1973).  It was following my departure from my Forest Service career when I decided to move to Arizona where he was residing when I was finally prepared to tell him (1985) – it was of necessity because I was now headed to full-time upon telling him.  I sat him down and tried to tell him, but he insisted on sharing his own news first – he would be getting married within the week and wanted me to be his Best Man.  Sheesh!  One more delay – hey, what a way to end Nick going out as my best friend’s Best Man.

I told Clint and his wife about one week after their wedding – time for their event to settle.  Clint asked me if I had any sexual feelings towards him.  I assured him that I didn’t.  Sorry, Clint.  In fact, swirling in my mind at his question what I really thought was ‘Ewww!’.

There was Jeff.  We grew up together since 3rd Grade (1964).  Our families became closely bonded.  Their home became a second home to me.  The last time when Jeff and I socialised was when he took a job as a lawyer for a Salt Lake City law firm (1983) – coincidence that I already had been living there.

Jeff and I somehow lost touch when he returned here to Arizona.  He had his own life – his wife, children, family.  I never told Jeff about me in 1983 – or since.

Opportunity struck when I took a job with the State of Arizona (1993).  I lacked courage to contact Jeff but I devised one experiment – sit at the lobby of his office building after my workday and merely watch if he passed by.  Sure enough that first day, I saw Jeff exit the elevator, walk right past me, and out the door.  We were within arm’s length and he did not recognise me.  Relief?  Disappointment?  Dunno?  At least I no longer needed to spend any more of my time watching for Jeff.

The ‘Different for Girls’ movie ends with Kim and Prentice as lovers.  Dunno?  That ending is not in my fantasy.  Or at least to say, I currently can’t perceive myself in such a predicament with any male former friend.  Ewww!

One closing note of eerie co-incidence: Clint’s birthday is 3 Mar 18.


I remember when during the 1960s the NRA sought extensive bans on firearms.

Of course, peeling back their reasoning it became clear that they sought to ban gun ownership and possession by Black / African-Americans – it was their impetus to dis-arm the Black Panther Party who self-armed as protection from an oppressive government.

The NRA is now a full participant in oppressive government – the very entity that Right-wing, Republi-cons, neo-cons, ‘survivalist’ types rail against are now their own Frankenstein’s monster.

A great big Thank You!  I enjoyed listening to and learning from the numerous subsequent video segments that ran on ‘auto-play’.

Of course, you might strenuously object if you are any or all of an Amerikan Right-wing Republi-con Christian Con-servative Evangelical Fundamentalist Taliban Fascist.

This page welcomes and challenges all to ‘liberally’ (there is that other word for ‘freedom’) post your comments – or to ignore this page altogether.  It’s your 1st Amendment choice.

Play nice.


The Other 98%

What Wayne LaPierre really thinks about guns in schools


This message from Spirit friend Cara.

‘The NRA used to be sane. Not anymore, and they HAVE changed for the worse and becoming far, far, far more radical and dangerous.

This is where they were, once upon a time.  Look at where they are today and weep, for all those murdered every year by firearms.’

‘I have a request to everyone that reads this and wants to start the pressure on politicians. Please start using any of the following hashtags on Twitter, Facebook, and other social media whenever the discussion turns to guns.

  • #RepealTheSecond
  • #RepealThe2nd
  • #RepealThe2ndAmendment

Only about 35% of Americans own guns in 2018.  Half of 300 million guns, over 150 million, are owned by 3% of the population, just 10 million people.  Gun owners are not nearly as numerous or powerful as we’ve been led to believe.

Let’s cut this rot out at the source, then we can enact sensible gun control laws like other first world nations!

  • #RepealThe2nd.’


‘Five Days Without Estrogen – Transgender Universe’

‘What happens when a transgender woman runs out of hormones in ‘The Weekly Rant’ with Mila Madison.’


Five days?(2002 xx xx) Estrogen Warnings (p 1 of 2)

That’s nothing!

No disrespect to the author of her essay.  She expresses quite well the panic any one of us endure – especially during our pre-op Transition.

When you are travelling overseas to Thailand, Dr. Chettawut requires all patients cease hormones at least two weeks before departure date.  That is to clear your system and avoid the potential for blood clots.

Dr. Chettawut also commands that you not take any hormones til after you return home.

So, at minimum, you are doing without ERT for the next foreseeable six weeks.


Some patients panic at that very thought going that long without your  little green or blue magic pills – especially when you have depended on them at least a few years pre-op.  They have been your intimate ‘comfort food’.  Your physical and psychological dependency.

Your pre-op, pre-surgery jitters are tough going, especially your first days without your pills.  As each day approaches your travel day, you realise that you can live those two weeks without your magic pills.

Time eases as you await your surgery date.  Pills are likely the last thing occupying your thoughts.

Post-op you likely have little to no concern about pills.  You are in recovery, you await your un-packing, you will have daily exams, you must pass ‘final exam’ to receive your travel authorisation.

Once home, you now have gone without hormones at least six, maybe seven weeks or more.  That’s quite a stretch that just a mere two months earlier seemed to be an insurmountable obstacle.

Some endocrinologists tell you to wait til you get a blood draw and your first home post-op medical exam before you resume your hormones.  Ouch!  Another couple weeks.

Ya know what?  Now, post-op, that wait doesn’t seem so bad.  You’ve had those ‘male dangley bits’ removed – the essence of your ‘testosterone poisoning’.

You may actually feel empowered to go without ERT.  Not so good.  Work with your endocrinologist and medical team.  Most Endos set your post-op blood estrogen level to 200, some higher, some lower.

Most Endos maintain your progesterone.

Testosterone?  Hah!  That blood level drops down to below 10; some people’s T diminishes to zero.  No more T-blockers – no more finesteride, no more spironolactone!

You and your feelings are not alone.  We go through these times missing our prescriptions.  Panic seems more dire if you are pre-op versus post-op.  We find relief getting our script resumed.  Share your fears with your friends, your family, your support group.

And so it goes.


You already know my life story, so I shall only summarise it here for you new to my web-site.

I strictly withheld disclosing or admitting to a special few beyond family or mentor of either my Transition or my circumstance – Denise referred me to Stanford, Kathy Q let me use her Norinyl.  Otherwise, my entire life was stealth when I began Transition in 1974 til I became public three years ago.  Hey, Rusty, if you’re reading this, what did you know?  My apologies.

My family knew their suspicions that I was in Transition, they had to expect it eventually.  I did tell them all my life – that’s what my ‘Feminine Protesting’ tantrums beginning at age 3 were all about, but they refused to acknowledge what was right in front of them and right under their collective noses.

  • My father routinely snooped through my belongings looking for my female attire or other evidence, he intercepted my correspondences with Stanford, he rummaged through my box of medical and Transsexual files.
  • I gave copies of my Stanford enrollment papers to my mom in 1978, I showed my pills to my mom in 1979; she said to me, ‘That’s candy’.
  • My sister Kathy is still in denial that I wore her clothes through age 21.

If  not Transition, then what did they think that I was doing?


This topic is about employment discrimination against Transsexual:

‘Here’s How Trans Women Are Subtly Pushed Out Of Their Jobs’

Employers must adjust their employee evaluation systems to account for systemic sexism or risk losing their Trans employees in the long run.


First, the USDA Forest Service began termination action to fire me on my supervisor’s accusation that ‘You are a woman working as a man; we can’t have that here’.  That was 1983 and I was about to enter full-blown ‘male fail’ as I fought that action during the next two years.

Second, I had a successful, award-winning career as an employee for the State of Arizona for nearly 20 years.  Then one manager summoned me to her office and promptly began questioning me whether or not I am Transsexual (2006).  The agency eventually presented termination papers to me with the charge that being Transsexual made me ‘mentally unfit’ to be a State employee (2008).

I never found gainful employment since then.  I had to accept Social Security retirement.1977-12-30-stanford-program-p-3-of-5

Stanford University Medical Center’s ‘Gender Dysphoria Program’ was wise.  They opposed we patients Transitioning at the same workplace.  I Transitioned according to their direction.  You can read the complete Sanford guidelines elsewhere at this web-site (see:  ‘Stanford Gender Dysphoria Program’, 24 Sep 2016).

Forest Service knew my situation from the first day.  I submitted my name / sex change to Social Security Administration July 1978, I received my new card September 1978, Forest Service hired me November 1978, with my effective date December 1978.  It was SSA’s discrepancy list of January 1979 to my employer that reported my name and sex to Forest Service as Sharon / female different from as I presented at work as Nick / male.

I never disclosed or admitted my Transsexual status to Forest Service.  Nor would I satisfy my State agency with that tid-bit these many long years subsequent to my completion of Transition in 1985.


The American frog in that proverbial pot of water is now fully boiled.

Here’s to the Republi-con ‘Contract on America’ and the fulfillment of their ‘Permanent Republikan Majority’.

Here’s to Right-wing Republi-con Christian Con-servative Evangelical Fundamentalist Amerikan Taliban Fascism fully infiltrated into the last days of our fading Constitution.

‘It Can’t Happen Here’ happened November 2016.  The only unknown remaining is when our real-life conclusion of ‘It Can’t Happen Here’ will occur here.

After all, was it not Cheney who prattled that he considers the American Constitution as @ss wipes.

Just this week, Crooked Drumpf boasted that he held no regard for this American Constitution – the document that he swore to ‘Preserve, protect, and defend’ means absolutely nothing to him, to his administration, to his ruling Republi-con Party.

That his fellow Republi-cons refuse to act on impeachment and conviction legislation tells us that their entire Party is complicit in this overthrow if our American Constitutional Democracy.

That as much as two-thirds of the American population (one-third who declare themselves Republi-con, one-third who declare themselves ‘Independent’ sycophants) has succumbed into this nadir signifies that the Myrmidons have re-settled on this once-proud land.

Our ‘Experiment in Democracy’ was a fun ride while it lasted. Now where do we go?


How Religion Turned American Politics against Science

‘The current state of American politics has seriously harmed the perception of science. This can be directly tied to the rise of the Christian Right’


Hitler presented his Holocaust in three simple steps:

  • #1: You have no rights.
  • #2: You have no rights to live among us.
  • #3: You have no rights to live.

>>(2013 10 13) The Lesson Of 'Non-Essential' 1

We thought ‘Never again’.  But it is fomenting here in this American nation.  We are between Stage #2 and Stage #3.

Become a ‘Student of the Shoah’.  You must stand firm on ‘Never again’.



The ADL – Anti-Defamation League’s most recent report shows an alarming rise in the number of anti-Semitic incidents in the U.S.A.


PBS Newshour broadcast a two-part report on sexual harassment in the USDA Forest Service.

If you are / were a Forest Service employee, perhaps a federal employee at USDA or other federal agency, and you experienced sexual harassment, or know someone who was subjected to such misconduct, endured agency retaliation, then consider corresponding to the specific PBS tip line e-mail and tell your story to the investigators.


I submitted a statement to the PBS Newshour tip line e-mail address though the sexual harassment and retaliation that I endured occurred four decades ago.

PBS Newshour can know that Forest Service, USDA, and other federal agency sexual misconduct, harassment, retaliation has a long, pernicious history.  Each of us can do what we can to be certain that it does not continue.  If this essay, this referral helps only one person, then that one person is rescued from the lifetime of pain that we others endure.


Social Security’s 2006 erroneous report illicitly issued my private information to the State of Arizona, my employer; my employing agency then initiated termination action against me on their accusation that being Transsexual made me ‘mentally unfit’ to be a State employee (see:  ‘Another Sex Change At Social Security’, 31 Jul 2015).

(2007 06 08) OPM Reassignment LetterI contacted OPM to obtain copies of personnel documents showing that my sex identification code as a USDA Forest Service employee was ‘female’; recall that the federal agency changed my sex marker from ‘male’ to ‘female’ in 1983.

I was surprised to receive this OPM reply.

I instead learned from OPM what Forest Service did when I needed my federal government records to resolve this Social Security discrepancy that hounded me in 2006 and led to my termination of employment as a State of Arizona employee – the Forest Service sealed my original OPF record and substituted my original record with a ‘transcript’ file.

I make this additional point about the action described in this OPM cover letter.

I never submitted any request to any federal agency to change my file name from Nick to Sharon or to change my sex designation from ‘male’ to ‘female’.  It was the OPM Records Center that subsequently communicated to me that my Forest Service employing office’s Administrative Officer who changed my file to Sharon / female before the effective date of my departure (May 1985).  That federal agency unilaterally issued their change absent my knowledge, permission, approval, or consent.

I also want to declare that I had many fond times as a federal employee, as a Forest Service employee specific to the source article.  I met many fine people at work and through my duties.  I achieved many accomplishments that I had no reason to expect when I began my federal career.

The disappointment came from their insidious corporate culture – their harassment, intimidation, retaliation.  Unfortunately, that pernicious culture continues four decades later, it harms the function of the agency, it destroys people whose goal is to make their agency and its functions in our society a better place.


‘U.S. Forest Service chief under investigation after complaints of sexual misconduct’

‘The U.S. Forest Service has confirmed that parent agency USDA has “engaged an independent investigator” to look into complaints against Chief Tony Tooke.’


The facts presented by Hartmann’s article speak far better than I can add.

I expect that some people among my ‘Friend’ list can’t be bothered reading this truth.  To them, they call the truth ‘Fake News’.


‘The Second Amendment Was Ratified to Preserve Slavery’

‘The real reason for the Second Amendment’s ratification was to preserve slave patrol militias.’


This ‘Message from Women Everywhere’ pops up frequently on my ‘Feed’

The ‘Message’ is clear…


‘A Message From Women Everywhere’ – The Mash Report


You can read theoretical debate about this topic at other pages.  Allow me to present practical considerations.


Too many people who are uneducated about Trans issues fail to grasp practicalities.

Would they require a burly Trans-man use the female restroom?  Can you imagine a Trans-man with a beard, muscles walking into the woman’s restroom?

Do they not comprehend that ‘bottom surgery’ can’t be a requirement when only 25% to 30% ever achieve ‘bottom surgery’?  When will the opposition support universal health care for Trans persons who need health care?


Lemme share experiences.

I met a man using the woman’s restroom at the Public Library a couple years ago.  I felt no fear about his presence.  I asked him why he was using the woman’s restroom – he told me that MEN molested him in public men’s restrooms.  Fair enough, I accepted that he was honest with me.

Then this happened two more times.  I talked with each man in the woman’s restroom.

They admitted the same – that a MAN molested them in the men’s restroom.

Maybe we need a law to prohibit MEN from the men’s restroom?

I can also write about all the times when I witness a mom bring her son into the woman’s restroom.  Why?  Because mom fears that a MAN will molest her son while her son uses the men’s restroom.

Seems to be that MEN are the danger, that all MEN should be prohibited from using all public restrooms according to reasoning.  Certainly we feel safe with a Trans person because we know no event of a Trans person convicted of molesting anyone in a public restroom but there are daily events of MEN convicted of molesting men in men’s restrooms and MEN molesting women in women’s restrooms.

Do they know that Congress MEN are more likely to commit a lewd crime in the men’s room?  Let’s prohibit Congress MEN from using all public facilities.


‘So You Think You Can Trans’

Bathroom laws need to be sorted out quickly, because there are 25 million trans people busting for a piss.  (Sniff, sniff, tee-hee.)

Cassie Workman breaks it down.


I dedicate this to the people of America’s ‘Coal Country’.


  • digging coal mines,
  • breathing coal pollution,
  • destroying your mountain tops,
  • killing your friends and family in mine explosions,
  • enriching corporate coal bosses at your impoverishment.

We outsiders await your coming demise as ‘thinning the herd’.  Soon we shall no longer be forced to support your lifestyle and ways through special Black Lung programs draining our Social Security and Medicare finances.

Some day you will all die off in extinction same as we witnessed tobacco consumers.

Meanwhile, we in renewable energy environments breath clean air and enjoy the fruits of clean Earth



Project Earth

‘One more reason to move away from coal and towards sustainable, clean energy.’ via The New York Times.


‘Black Lung Disease Comes Storming Back in Coal Country’

‘Hundreds of cases of advanced black lung disease have been found among miners in Central Appalachia.’


Alana offers this:


Thank you, Dear Reader, for another trip down memory lane.

Share with those whom you love in your life.

Please return for another essay.

Thank you to the outside sources who made this essay possible.



‘Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, Peace, and Goodwill’


‘Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Happy Hanukah, Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Happy New Year, Peace, and Goodwill’

(26 Dec 17)

*(1970 06) Slim - Crater Lake (walking - portrait)

The message of the holiday season this time of the year is supposed to be peace and goodwill to all.

How do you, Dear Reader, express peace and good wishes to all for this holiday season?

Happy Holidays
Seasons Greetings
Happy Hanukah
Merry Christmas
Kala Hristougena
Sookl Sanr Wanm Khith Maatf
Mele Kalikimaka
Feliz Navidad
Happy New Year
Hronia Polla
Sahwdee Piee Mai
Feliz Ano Nuevo

Peace and Goodwill to all.

So let’s not get picky at minor topics.  It matters more your message expressing your good sentiment rather than whether you transliterate your spelling ‘correctly’ from one alphabet to another.


‘Christians, the reign of peace would have broken out.  Forgive me, I do not see peace.  Jesus would not have been the Messiah.  Look at your world.  There are wars.  There is suffering.’

  • Nachmanides (Barcelona Disputations, 23 Jul 1263)



There is little ‘peace’ and goodwill today.

The problem for current Christians is that Jesus your Messiah came 2000 years ago, but you did not change your world as Jesus admonished you to do.  Neither did Islam, your Abrahamic religion’s successor, nor your subsequent prophet Mohamed 1300 years ago.

You, Christians tell us that Jesus, your ‘Prince of Peace’, came to bring world ‘peace’.

You, Muslims, tell us that your prophet Mohamed came to bring world ‘peace’.

Where is your ‘peace’?

We instead hear your self-admitted Christian Con-servative Amerikan Taliban Crooked Drumpf beating his sounds of world war while his Republi-con cohorts oppress the common people in favour of their wealthy friends and corporations.

We experience the over-flow of Islamic violence and murder from the conflicts among Shia, Sunni, ISIS, and so many Islamic sects, with their folly of martyrdom to fullfill their misogynist desire for ’72 virgins’.

Christmas Day news reported that Pope Francis called for ‘peace’ and co-operation among religions in the Middle East.  A lotta good that meant.  News sources reported that Muslims in Israel have murdered at least 24 Christians and Jews during the past 10 days and that ISIS slaughtered another 20 non-Muslim people at Kabul.

Christian and Muslim are not the only religions that this Editor notices their hypocrisy of ‘peace’.  We of the world community are also witness to Myanmar Buddhists committing their genocide against the Rohingya Muslims of their nation.


Muslims claim that ‘Islam’ is their word for ‘peace’; this Editor hears the same Muslims say that ‘Islam’ is their word for ‘submission’.



What follows is Islamic ‘peace’ and ‘submission’ as they profess it in today’s world:

‘Mesopotamia was the birthplace of mathematics, writing, agriculture, and recently the scene of battles against ISIS.

Mar Behnam Monestary was occupied and defaced by ISIS.  ISIS Muslims want to destroy everything Christian.  They want to delete history.  To say there were no Christians, nothing before Islam.

Mar Behnam Monastery was sacred to both Christians and Muslims in Medieval times.  It amassed a collection of manuscripts dating to the 12th Century.  That collection of precious hand-written books, including Bibles and scientific works written centuries ago, was one thing that could not be replaced if destroyed by ISIS’s occupation.

More than 500 works are now protected in Erbil, Kurdistan.  One find is a copy of a 7th Century mandate from the Prophet Mohamed that says Christians will be protected by Muslims and allowed to practice their relligion.  The whole Middle East was once characterised by pluralism of different peoples, different religions co-existing.

Christian monks are working to protect these very documents that ISIS is working to destroy.  There’s a real war over these books.  ISIS in Northern Iraq caused Christians and Yazidis to flee in desperation.  Qaraqosh was attacked, 50.000 were driven out on foot in days. They and the monks carrying these books raced to the safety of Kurdistan as ISIS chased them.

The monks were not able to save all their books.  ISIS  burned what was left behind in Qaraqosh – 40.000 books in the Library.  ISIS torched them all.

Among the books rescued is a fragment of the New Testament written about the year 500 written in Old Aramaic, the language of Jesus Christ.

Some of those rescued books are purely history that tell us about political events.  It’s the history of every aspect of life.  Including a tax receipt from the Roman Empire in 222 for the purchase of military equipment.

The Library at the University of Mosul – once among the finest in the Middle East – was reduced to rubble.  Totally devastated.  ISIS did their damage, burned their books, destroyed the building.  This Library used to hold a million books and a collection of ancient maps and manuscripts.

In this Age of Intolerance, there are very few Christians left in Iraq.  They fled to Qaraqosh.  What will always remain – thanks to the works of Father Columba and Father Najeeb – is a written record of their history and heritage.’

  • CBS ’60 Minutes’ (‘Delivered From Evil’, 24 Dec 17)



That report says quite a bit about Islamic religious hatred and the deliberate full-scale efforts to destroy history by Islamic fanatics and extremists.

Islamic ISIS has been destroying world history and education from their own environment in an obvious way.  How can you assert that you are followers of your Prophet Mohamed?  You are going against your own Prophet Mohamed’s mandate; you are hypocrites when you murder Jews and Christians and you destroy your holy books and learned books of history and science kept in your libraries.

Reagan and now Crooked Drumpf and his right-wing Republi-con Christian Con-servative evangelical fundamentalist Amerikan Taliban have been slowly, deviously destroying our American educational system by removing history and government from our public school systems, by buying book publishing corporations and slowly changing the content of books and texts to suit their small-minded religious and political doctrine.

Remember, Republi-cons hold blood on their hands.  Reagan used American finance, training, arms to support the Taliban throughout his presidency.  Senator John McCain’s call to ‘Arm the rebels!’ of Syria was his demand that President Obama arm ISIS; Obama refused that demand.

There will come a day under Crooked Drumpf or his successor when we Liberals shall be called to rescue our American nation’s libraries from the clutches of the right-wing Republi-con Christian Con-servative evangelical fundamentalist Amerikan Taliban much the same as did Father Columba and Father Najeeb Michaeel rescue their libraries from ISIS.


A retrospective quote from this past Summer relating to ‘peace’.

‘Every political assassination done in America has been by a Liberal.  There was John Wilkes Boothe.’

  • Lars Larsen, R (23 Jun 17, his radio show)



Well, of ‘every assassination’ that Larsen asserted, he could only identify Boothe assassinating Lincoln.  Of course, every school child knows better than Larsen.  Boothe and his conspirators were Southern Confederate Cessessionists, bigots, prejudicial against the Negro population whom they held in captive slavery.  Hardly ‘Liberal’, more like Conservative to the extreme con-servtive; ‘Libertarian’ and right-wing ‘sovereign citizen’ types in today’s definition.

How about actual right-wing assassins within our recent lifetimes:

  • 1960s Freedom Riders were attacked and some assassinated by White supremist right-wing Southern Segregationists.
  • President John Kennedy was assassinated by right-wing CIA and mafioso.
  • Malcolm X was assassinated by White right-wing Southern segregationists.
  • Rev Martin Luther King was assassinated by a White Supremist.
  • Senator Robert Kennedy was assassinated by an anti-Jewish right-wing Arab Islamic extremist.
  • The assassination attempt on Rep Gabbi Giffords and resulting mass murder was committed by a man influenced by Christian Con-servative nright-wing radio hate speech.
  • Mass murders in the USA are committed by White supremists, Christian Conservatives, Islamic fundamentalists.
  • ‘White supremicists are responsible for 74% of terrorist attacks and killings in the last 10 years.’  (CBS ’60 Minutes’ , 17 Dec 17).

Not a ‘Liberal’ killer in that bunch, but plenty of Liberals murdered by White Supremicists, Neo-NAZIs, Alt-right, Christian Con-servative evangelical fundamentalist Amerikan Taliban, Southern segregationists – Republikans all -and their Islamic fanatical counterparts.

<*>() Jesus Love Gays

As an old-timer who transitioned during the 1970s, this Editor recalls that laws were detrimental to married couples whose partner was Trans.

This Editor was not active with Trans support groups til 2015.  I have no personal experience with Trans persons being subjected to those antiquated laws before Marriage Equality.  I suspect that anti-Equality laws were a major obstacle, an obstacle that has been lifted from married couples who can better focus on their personal advancement.

The old laws specified that marriage was only between one man and one woman.  ‘Gay marriage’ was illegal.

State laws varied.  Extreme laws prohibited any transition until the partners divorced, less severe were laws that prohibited various degrees of transition advancement or surgery until proof of divorce.  If I recall correctly, Stanford’s California guidelines required patients to present divorce papers before surgery.

Republi-cons and Christian Con-servatives who proclaim themselves the ‘family’ party, who decry ‘Big Guh’mint’, are the ones who duplicitously imposed these anti-Equality laws – laws that imposed divorce upon Trans marriages, laws that divided and destroyed Trans families.

Marriage Equality has been a boon for Trans families.  We in the Trans community need to be aware how much the Marriage Equality decision has brought to our benefit.

Right-wing Republi-con Christian Con-servative ‘Big Guh’mint’ imposing their divorce laws is no longer an issue.  Married couples who have a Trans partner remain married, families remain intact.  Trans persons are getting married.

Not for long!

‘Elections have consequences.’  Your vote in these elections have consequences affecting your life – now and in the decades to come.

Crooked Drumpf and his Merry Band of Republi-con Senators have been packing federal courts with their right-wing Republi-con Christian Con-servative evangelical fundamentalist Amerikan Taliban.  They are doing it in record numbers.  Those appointees are refusing to abide by Marriage Equality laws – they are blatantly denying Constitutional Rights to Trans families.  Too late for you to do anything about it.  You voted for Republi-cons in 2016.  You voted for Crooked Drumpf in 2016.  You allowed Crooked Drumpf to appoint judges who will continue churning out their anti-Trans, anti-LGBT decisions for the next 40 years.

All is not well, tweaking remains, but not likely in our political climate.  For one, Arizona law denies the married partners the opportunity to change their name on their Marriage Certificate.  Instead, the married partners must pursue a divorce decree then re-marry under the new name.  This complication seems to be more a money-making scheme for the State and the lawyers who practice marital law rather than for the simplicity of the results.  Birth Certificates can be changed, DMV licences can be changed, business licences can be changed.  Why the obstacle for Marriage licences?

How is your state?  How is it at your nation if you do not reside in the USA?  What can you do to resolve discrimination?

Okay, I have never been married, not even close.  That does not mean that I lack my own concept of marriage.  To me, marriage is a monogamous commitment with another person.  We love the other person for whom they are – not their physical shell – be they cis, trans, inter-sex, Gay, Lesbian, Bi-, Pan-.  Marital intimacy?  Well, the partners will find their own.  It is no one else’s business!  They do not need religious and political fanatics intruding into their private personal lives as right-wing Christian Con-servative and Islamic evangelical fundamentalist Amerikan Taliban are wont to do.

<*>(2016 01 10) IMG_0093

Allow this episode’s present wrapt in a bow.

Thank you, Dear Reader, for visiting today.

Enjoy your holiday season – whatever you call it:  ‘Peace be with you.’

Please return next time (next year) for more excitement.


Meanwhile, Pat Robertson can celebrate that the ‘War against Christmas’ is ended!

Let there be parades with Miss Whatever, kids riding in steel drums,  fire trucks decked in tinsel and colored light bulbs while Robertson presents a stocking decorated with snowflakes – all perfect Christian symbols of Jesus Christ, his Messiah, whom he ignores the teachings of peace.

*(2012 12 10) Tis-the-season-for-christian-conservative-whining



‘The One You Choose Will Make You Regret You Didn’t Choose The Other One’


‘The One You Choose Will Make You Regret You Didn’t Choose The Other One’

(25 Nov 17)


Welcome back to another episode, Dear Reader.

*(1969 xx xx) Slim - Muffin - Charlie (Side yard)
‘Here’s my take on what it means to have the courage to be kind.  Kindness requires action.  You stand up against the bully.  People rose up against the German NAZI soldiers with kindness.  Create peacework.  The best way to discover the humanity of other people is to meet them.  It is much harder to have absolute hatred for any human being when you interact with them, when you have that human connection.’

  • Daniel Lubetzky, Author ‘Do the Kind Thing’ (PBS Newshour, 23 Nov 17)

Daniel’s admonishment is that I was wrong when I ignored that creep who attacked me two weeks ago.

I agree.

I lacked true courage.  I behaved as a coward.

I watched ‘Ghandi’ Wednesday night, or rather to correct myself, I saw the beginning of the movie til I fell asleep midway – drowsiness from my concussion.  I saw Ghandi’s strength of his kindness against British brutality and oppression.  I do not know that I could have ever come close to what Ghandi and his people endured.  I think that I would have chickened out in the situation that the Indians faced against the British.

As I came home that night two weeks ago and through the next few days, I persistently thought that maybe I should have tried something different.  Maybe that jerk would not have been my friend, but then again, maybe he might have if I had taken time to approach him, discover his humanity, interact with him.  Had I done different, then my results would have been different, then maybe he, too, would have found it much more complicated to have assaulted me and destroyed my computer by knowing me rather than we two as strangers.

This is how road rage occurs – two motorists in their anonymity act aggressively against each other.   Would they dare behave that way if they knew each other, were friends, were neighbours?  Don’t think so.  I am not one prone to road rage, got that covered.

The saying that ‘doing the same act and expecting different results’ is true – at least in my event.

I gotta do something different if I expect different results; rather than an assault, maybe I lost a potential friend.  I gotta try kindness next time.  I gotta try this with others.  I gotta start that ripple.

Make our choice to be kind influences their choice to express hate.  We who act first gain the advantage – act first with kindness so that the other must respond with their kindness, not their hate.


Will you join me?


Sometimes we make choices, sometimes choices make us.

Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

I suppose one purpose of this life is to use our good graces – advance the good of what we can as well as to accept whatever life gives to us and make the most however we can.

I was in desperation  –  deep depression – and loss during 2014, yet I found the smallest nugget of a smile on Thanksgiving Day that year:  I tossed a cranberry to share with a squirrel scampering across my back yard.  Life showed that it is filled with reversals:   2015 would raise me from those depths and take me to a high of amazing openness, freedom, exploration, new friendships.(2017 07 29) Selfie on the patio IMG_0557


I may not be in the best of health – especially considering what happened two weeks ago and I still experience the pains not much less than when that assault occurred – yet I can be thankfull for my relative good health.  Meanwhile, my friends are enduring:

  • one friend is in pain and bleeding, possibly from post-op complications
  • one friend experienced suicidal ideation
  • one friend is in pain for good reasons – FFS – painfull just the same – we can’t wait to see your, um, un-veiling
  • one friend is enduring multiple medical crises.

I am here for each of you and any others in need.


Bear with me as I circumnavigate my journey to joy on Thanksgiving Day 2017.

I bought my home 20-some years ago.

(2016 06 19) Kitten and Lube IMG_0515It is a nice neighbourhood, near the freeway system, near major streets and intersections, near shopping and events, yet quiet and secluded in its own way – a big cul de sac where only people who belong here enter here.  Excess traffic usually won’t bother cutting through my neighbourhood because there is no exit except how you got in here.  I have my issues of the reckless drivers  – those who either reside here or are visitors here – those who drive at high speed regardless of the speed humps – those who killed my kitties, Sweetness and Ghost.

I observed for the presence of security bars on doors and windows at some regions of this metro area while I did my home-hunting.  To me, proliferation meant a high-crime district.  There are few signs of excessive security requirements in my neighbourhood with our block-watch.  Children freely play in the street and at their front lawns.  We are not a wealthy part of the city, no fancy yards, yet we all keep as tidy as we can afford.

I also selected my home because it had a straight line-of-site to the broadcast towers making what I expected would be great broadcast reception.  Not now.  One nearby minimal-care hospital went against our neighbourhood objections and constructed a high-rise building a decade ago, then they built a heli-pad, now they are a major medical center in the midst of what was supposed to be strictly residential-only zoning.  Next we saw a small retirement apartment torn down (no more ‘waving man’) to make way for a second, massive hospital with its own heli-pad.  I have no objections to people getting health care, but this had been a zoned, secluded residential location, not a commerce center.

We also had the peace and quiet being clear from overhead airport air traffic and its pollution.  ‘Had’ – the operative word; stay tuned.

Now we must contend with Grand Central Station West above us – a continual stream of helicopters coming and going, sometimes hovering over our homes for 30 minutes at a time while another helicopter dispatches its load and clears the landing space.  Helicopter noise and vibration is disturbing our peace and quiet.

That high-rise hospital behemoth now disrupts our digital TV signals.  When once I could easily receive more than 50 digital TV channels with basic, old analog rabbit ears connected to the digital converter box, I now could get perhaps 30 TV stations when  I was lucky.

My best and primary digital converter box recently ‘died’ a few months ago.  I have been using my back-up box and a high-end digital antenna; I am lucky to get 15 stations with any regularity.  I lost the NBC affiliate (among others) for more than one week recently due to the quirkiness of digital TV and the building that has come between us.

I had been without K38IZ, the local ‘IZ Videos’ TV station, since the loss of my box that ‘died’.  IZ Videos, among my fave local TV stations, plays actual music videos round-the-clock – one channel are American music videos, another plays Mexican music videos.  They also broadcast American ‘Country Music’ on another channel, but I’m not a Country Music fan.  Their American music videos play in a six-hours block that repeats four times each day – if I wanna see a video again, I wait for it six hours later.


I began re-receiving my music videos the day before Thanksgiving Day.  Maybe the TV station upped their power?  Maybe something inside the hospital tower changed?  It was quiet overhead – no barrage of helicopter ambulances.


To add to my joy, first they played a Shocking Blue video – one of my fave bands of all time – worth the wait I watched it on the re-play.  Then they played a Slade video – another band on my fave list.

Well, lemme see how long we continue receiving IZ Videos.  Nope, the music died the day after Thanksgiving Day.

For the record, in no particular order, are others among the lesser digital network broadcast TV side-channel stations that I watch when I seek television entertainment:  BUZZR, Charge, Decades, Ion, Movies TV.


How did you celebrate your Thanksgiving Day?  How did you share your day among family and friends?

Did you awake early to watch the parades?  Did you snooze late because the parades are of no matter?   Did you attend a parade?  A big one?  A home-town one?

Did you watch the annual dog show?  Are you a dog person, a cat person, or it doesn’t matter because you love all life?

What football games did you see?  Did your teams win or go down in defeat?  Did you play football with your family and friends?

Is this your first Thanksgiving Day since coming ‘out’ to your family and friends?  Maybe this is your first holiday as you present the new you?  Congratulations!  Your journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step.  Keep up your good work toward your positive goals.

My Thanksgiving Day 2017 was quiet in its own way – as much by both choice and situation – I made it and it made me.

I corresponded with friends and sent out a variety of text messages wishing well to them, thanking them for being here for and with me; they replied in kind, some of us exchanged multiple texts.  To all of you – Thank You, Kapung Khaf, Efharisto, Gracias.

Both Kathy and Cousin Bev are usually averse to initiating communications with me.  I heard nothing from my sister for Thanksgiving Day.  The last I heard from Cousin Bev was during that ‘box’ episode of 18 months ago (‘Breadbox’, 27 Aug 16).  Curious.  Growing up, our two families – Bev’s and mine – spent every holiday and every life milestone together as one family, now none can be bothered with me.  So much for going from ‘Oh, Nickie, you look like a cute little girl!’ as a trans child to being an untouchable outcast an adult; remember, Cousin Bev’s family specifically un-invited me to the family Thanksgiving Day gathering of 1993.  Family?  What family!

Then surprises of all surprises – Kathy sent a message to me – she wants to deliver a trunk to me that was our mom’s.  Of course I replied that I will gladly accept it.  Cool!  I can’t wait to receive it – maybe more goodies inside it as were those previous two boxes.  This is one glimmer of hope from her.  Kapung Khaf to you, Kathy.

I prepared my own delicious meal in my slow cooker though it was not really different or special:

  • red potatoes, red onions, carrots, garlic, celery, squash, canned tuna, spiced with cayenne, topped with yoghourt, served with a side of home-made cranberries.

Simple but delish!

I watched TV:

  • IZ Music Videos – gotta watch while this station lasts.
  • ‘Kramer versus Kramer’ and ‘The Graduate’ on Movies TV.(2017 01 31) Trump Beheaded the Statue of Liberty (blackhistory360.wordpress.com) (cropped-trum19)
  • PBS ‘Independent Lens’ (‘Shadow World’) about how Republi-cons since Reagan have been profiteering their war and death through their international arms merchants – corporate America enriching themselves as purveyors of military weaponry to such ‘terrorosts’, ‘enemies’ and ‘adversaries’ as Iran, North Korea, China, Russia, ISIS, Taliban, al Qaeda.  No wonder Republi-con Senator John McCain begged to ‘Arm the rebels!’; this expose showed that ISIS militia were buying from McCain’s corporate sponsors.  How much ya wanna bet that those ‘terrorists’ in Friday’s attack that murdered more than 300 mosque-goers at Egypt were using military weapons produced by American corporate arms merchants.  Crooked Drumpf shows no reluctance to cease his insanity; he boasted of trillion Dollar arms deals during his recent trip to Asia.  These Republi-cons are killing the very American GIs who vote them into office – these duped Deplorable GIs – while those same GI grunts die in the cause of enriching Republi-con corporate profiteers.  The clear majority of intransigents are Republi-cons; to be fair, there were a smattering of Democrats – for shame.  Now that’s a ‘swamp’ to ‘clear’, don’tcha know.

I used my Obama-phone to browse its limited Internet:

  • I searched the Stanford University Medical Center site and took a walk down memory lane:  I recalled the names and activities of our shared past, I read old goodies, I found a copy of the application form that I used when I enrolled at Stanford, I reflected upon where our Trans community was 40-some years ago (e.g., the US Supreme Court upheld a Houston, Texas, ordinance that it is a crime to dress ‘as a member of the opposite sex’:  #73-627, Mayes v Texas), I was reminded of Stanford’s advice for we patients to carry our physician’s statement attesting to our transsexual therapy and to have it ready to provide to law enforcement (sounds familiar, eh, ‘Achtung!  Show us your papers!’).  Kapung Khaf.
  • I sampled my own web-site to reminisce my own past as I recorded it on these cyber pages.  To you, Dear Reader, I owe to you all my continued Kapung Khaf for accepting me into your lives.

I had simple plans for the day – to take care of my weekly personal details with my four numbered friends.  That had to wait for over-night servicing when I was done for the day.


Recall Michael Veit described in my ‘Crimes and Punishments …’ (16 Sep 16).

Mike and I were state of Arizona co-workers.  I knew him while I was employed at both AHCCCS and ADOA (1993 – 2008); we worked with each other on a nearly daily basis all those years.  He was a higher-grade manager; I respected him for his friendship to me.

From news accounts, Mike pled guilty as charged.  The court sentence included:

  • 10 years in prison,
  • loss of his state retirement and other benefits that accrue for retirees,
  • order to pay full restitution for the $5.9 million, or thereabouts, that he pled guilty to stealing.

Well, unless he wins the big lottery or strikes it rich in the stock market to pay the money back, he will have minimal financial wherewithal when the prison releases him.  Without state retirement, he will be left with his Social Security and Medi-Care, but that and all other income will likely be garnisheed at the maximum.  Looks like a guy who had so much in a productive career threw it all away for a chance to take a cut from the public trough that did not belong to him – he lost no matter how we look at it.

(2015 09 05) 4th Avenue Jail Video Visit ReceiptsStill, at least in my soul, I extended my proverbial milk of human kindness to him while he awaited his disposition during late-2015.  That went well for a few weeks or so of video visit, then he abruptly ceased our last video visit.  His wife told me that his local family did not want me visiting him.  Fair enough to abide by their priorities, milk of human fiddlesticks.  I had not seen him in video visit since that last occasion.

I was browsing through my old posts here at this web-site, came upon ‘Crimes and Punishments …’, and I got to wonder about Mike.  Yeh, the rules of society determined that his punishment is appropriate and he is dealing with his consequences that will linger the rest of his Earthly existence.

I then corresponded with a source to Mike to quench my curiosity.  This was part of the reply to my enquiry:

  • ‘Unsure where he is.   Can’t help those or be there that don’t want it.  Right?’

Seems that Mike ain’t making positive amends in his current accommodations according to the way I understand my source (whose privacy I respect).

For Mike – yes, sad and true.  Mike apparently has made no presence among the likely people who most want to be there for him in his time of need.  We can’t help you if you do not want our help.

Yow, Mike, how you have sunk!  I’d prefer to think that your criminal attitude was an aberration rather than underlying your presence with me both at work and during video visit.

I’d like to re-extend my offering of whatever friendship Mike can receive from afar behind confinement, but that can’t happen on a one-way street where he declines to extend his own hand.



So much for another correspondence and life.

I have been sand-bagging an accumulation of Republi-con political flip-flop quotes to post here.  They are now scattered on two separate computers – my ‘old’ Dell and my now-destroyed ‘new’ Toshiba.  I need to try sorting them into a semblance of order.  Or maybe I’ll just nix that and get them posted as a ‘Draft’ for the record, then sort them later.

Thank you for visiting today. If you are new here, maybe browse some of my earlier posts.  You binge watch your fave Internet TV series, maybe binge read posts from this site.

Please return for the next episode.


‘TDOR, Uncle Frank, And Cousin Steve’


‘TDOR, Uncle Frank, And Cousin Steve’


(20 Nov 17)


The annual ‘Trans Day of Remembrance’ is 20 November.

The world community calls attention to the fact that there exist people in their cause of hate who choose to murder too many Trans persons among our Trans community.

We seek the time when this commemoration no longer requires current recognition, but only for the past – that the world community no longer targets members of the Trans community for assault and murder.

TDOR has been happening for many years,

yet there I was myself, you know me, the news junkie, having little knowledge that TDOR existed before last year.  Both national network news and local news make scant mention of it, if at all.  If all members of our own Trans community don’t know of TDOR, then how can we expect non-members to be aware!  Let’s see about whether and how much the national and local news report this year’s events.  (Up-date 21 Nov 17:  ‘Cronkite News’ was the only local coverage for this market – they interviewed one of our members.)

This will be only my second attendance at TDOR.  I barely knew of this event until last year though I have been transsexual my entire life.  I submit that my lack of awareness is because of said paucity of the publicity distributed among the population in general – the world beyond the Trans community has no concern for our well-being, therefore no concern for those whom they murder and no concern to publicise the slaughter of our Trans community members.

One of the elements that really bothers me during the reading of these names is the number of ‘Name Unknown’.

  • How can that be?
  • How can a family or social circle allow someone of their own to be murdered as ‘Name Unknown’?
  • How can a legal system and news process be satisfied that they have done their job concluding with ‘Name Unknown’?!

I can’t imagine the cruelty in the finality being solely identified as ‘Name Unknown’.  I dread that thought, that people I know – family or friend – could  be so callous as to not care for me, my whereabouts, my safety, my life that they would not bother to report my absence and search for my remains if dead.  That anyone is allowed to be ‘Name Unknown’ is appalling.  May I request of our Trans community that, from now on, anyone who is left as ‘Name Unknown’ be given a name by which we remember their lives.  It is the least we can do.

The sole local news coverage in this metropolitan region was ‘Cronkite News’ shown on a variety of local PBS TV stations nationwide.  Absent were the network affiliates of ABC (KNXV), CBS (KPHO), Fox (KSAZ), and NBC (KPNX).  (Up-date 21 Nov 17:  Nor did I see any coverage on any network news program either leading to this day, yesterday or the day after; I did not watch every minute of every broadcast, but surely there must have been some mention in light of all these accusations flying through our nation.  For shame!)


This Editor shall elaborate here that this commemoration strikes home personally (see: ‘In My Life …’, 19 Apr 16).

My Uncle Frank was in transition during the 1960s.

He travelled cross-country to visit our family sometime during the early 1960s (when my family was still intact).  I recall Uncle Frank at our front door; my dad had him arrested when he arrived at our home dressed in female attire.

Uncle Frank’s name was not to be spoken in our home, his existence was to be denied, all while growing up.  Kathy still refuses to acknowledge Uncle Frank and Cousin Steve as recent as today.  ‘Names Unknown’ to her.

The records show that Uncle Frank died in 1970.  My family plotted his murder; they made it appear as suicide.  In those days, the local police were more than happy to not bother to investigate the ‘suicide’ of a ‘pervert’.  The story that my family told to me was that he jumpt to his death from his bedroom window.  As how I knew it, Uncle Frank, his wife, and his three children resided in a typical split-level New Jersey home – a fall from a bedroom window might stub your toe or break an arm if you land most awkwardly, but it is hardly lethal.

My family told me that Uncle Frank’s wife died soon after – supposedly despondent at her husband’s demise, she also took that same ‘suicide’ tumble from their bedroom window. This was another improbability.

The deaths of the two adults orphaned their three children.  My family told me that the two daughters went to live with their paternal grandparents and that Cousin Stevie was sent into the state system – foster care and / or adoption.

As I recall, the last I may have heard from or seen Cousin Stevie was mid-1971 before my dad and I travelled to our two years at Greece.  I have a specific memory of talking about Cousin Steve in the car of my father’s older brother and his wife.  From them is where I got the story of the whereabouts of Cousin Steve in placement with the State of New Jersey.  I have a recollection visiting the two-story home of my maternal grandparents and seeing my female cousins making their new home at that location.  My imperfect memory senses that Cousin Steve and I might have also met there our last time when we saw each other, but he was treated as though he was not wanted at this home.  My father told me to forget about Cousin Steve, Kathy tells me to forget Cousin Steve – put them in the ‘Name Unknown’ list – but I never have forgotten Cousin Steve and never will forget Cousin Steve.

I frequently ponder the circumstance that perhaps Cousin Steve’s family could not bear with him as he was also going through his own childhood transsexualism as mine.  His grandparents refused him, his aunts and uncles refused him.

I presented at other posts at this web-site that my dad frequently whined that he wanted to adopt more children than me.  My question persists:

  • ‘Then why did you not also adopt Cousin Steve?’.

If it was because the laws of that time prohibited a single father from adopting, then certainly my mother who was re-married could have adopted Cousin Steve.

No matter.  I doubt my father’s resolve because he used his threats to return me to the system to try to keep me in line; a lot that did, eh.

Allow me, Dear Reader, to pose to you my continued effort to seek the truth, to learn whether what my family told me is true or merely family fable.

My Uncle Frank was born Franklin Thonus at Passaic County, New Jersey.  He died in 1970.

I have used the Internet to conduct several records searches for the news accounts, obituary, or police reports of Uncle Frank.  Those sources lead me through multiple pages of gibberish, but never any actual results.  Those sources always demand payment to use their site to collect any meaningfull information.  Rip-off!

My Cousin Stevie was born Steve Thonus at Passaic County, New Jersey.  His current age would be in the late-50s.

I likewise have used the Internet to do numerous name searches for Steve.  There are many people with that name and close age.  The problem is that these sites also lead me through several pages and end with a demand that I pay money to them for some vague proposition that they will finally provide that last nugget.  No way do I fall for those web scams!

Maybe in the parlour game, people connect to Kevin Bacon within their proverbial six degrees of separation.  With that in mind, maybe someone coming upon this site or through this tag will either be Cousin Steve or know him and will bring him in contact with me at this site.

Beware! you trolls of fraudulent purpose.  I, of course, hold specific details that only the real Cousin Steve can confirm.  Anyone either claiming to present leads to Cousin Steve or claiming to be him will be required to undergo a grueling interrogation; I shall weed out you phonies in less than a handfull of questions.


I sent a brief text to Kathy today.  I reminded her that today is TDOR.  I commented upon the death of our Uncle Frank.  I asked her – for the umpteenth time – the whereabouts of Cousin Steve.

I doubt that she will soften her heart at this latest summons.

She replied to my text with, ‘I have no idea what a t’dor is.’ (sic).

Aw, c’mon now, Kathy, you can do better than that!

You tell me that you have been a nurse since the 1970s – a career of scientific enquiry.  Can’t you take 10 seconds to browse your computer for TDOR and learn something?  Why can’t you learn to spell the acronym better?  I guess it figures.  There was never a newspaper, never a radio, never a television for the news during the few times when I visited Kathy at her home.  How can one live in a world of seven billion people and not open yourself to some of them?  In this larger political scheme of things, Democracy demands that ‘informed electorate’; no wonder this one-time great American nation that began its move to Democracy as recently as the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s gave way to the collapse that began during the 1980s.

Kathy made no comment responding to my questions regarding both Uncle Frank and Cousin Steve.


This year’s TDOR commemoration now also comes personal to my own existance.

I wrote in my prior blog that I was assaulted and attacked by a criminal (‘Why Not Treat Us As Human’, 16 Nov 17).

  • Maybe he was a typical patriarchal male misogynist?
  • Maybe he discerned something about me being transsexual?

He did taunt my sexual identity.

  • Why did he consider me transsexual?
  • Why does he hold animosity toward the Trans community?
  • How is he influenced by these current politics of Crooked Drumpf?

If I should perish due to my injuries, then I become another person whose name is added to this list.  This is not a position that I thought I would find myself at this time of my life.


I was an out transsexual child during the 1950s and 1960s when that whole idea was rare for adults, let alone for children.  I was among the one-in-a-million with the other transsexuals in this country by the time I reached adult age.  Some sources put the number at only 1000 cases in America by the end of 1970s.

My dad and I were in the midst of one of our many crises by the time I got to 9th Grade.  I was changing to Kathy’s clothes every day after school.  Maybe our neighbours observed me walking Slim while dressed in her clothes and they told my dad?  My dad repeated to me during that fatefull school year that Uncle Frank was among the reasons why he needed to take me away from those bad influences of my mom, her family, Uncle Frank’s transition.  My dad threatened me to the same fate as Uncle Frank.  My dad took me to Greece.

Maybe my family murdered Uncle Frank on their impulse to retaliate against him for influencing me?

Think of the possibilities if Uncle Frank remained alive.  We would have corresponded, met each other, compared notes.  My ‘feminine protesting’ tantrums might have brought me to flat-out demand to transition to female during either 9th Grade or 10th Grade with Uncle Frank’s help.  My body naturally feminised during those years, I would have passed female, I would have received the medical care necessary.


Maybe Uncle Frank influenced me?

I was openly female-identified to my family throughout my childhood – a transsexual child – six decades ago, or thereabouts.  I can barely perceive male.  I can barely recall male.  I can’t see my life as male.

When I turned age 18 is when I count beginning my transition.  That was four decades ago, or thereabouts.  That was as young as legally possible in those days.  The medical system denied to me my right to my hormones until February 1979 – at age 22 and one-half; I went to full-time hormones shortly after turning age 23 by late-summer 1979.  That seems almost ‘yesterday’ to me.

You who join us on this path – whether Trans yourself or a devoted SOFFA – know and share our mutual understanding.  You’re doing this, too.  You get it.

Youth and body type have their advantages; I had one of those – youth.  I feminised during my teens that surely upset my family who imposed their male upon me.  Starting young means that you have endured less ‘testosterone poisoning’.  I wish that others could have had my fortuitous opportunities to transition young if that is what they wanted.  I hold no regrets other than what I now see through 20 / 20 hindsight that I could have done better.

Recall my chronology (in brief):(1977 12 30) Stanford Reply (Name Covered)

  • 1974: Met Denise, my mentor, in stealth (my first transsexual, other than Uncle Frank)
  • 1977: My mentor Denise referred me to Stanford University Medical Center; I began my correspondences with Stanford
  • 1978: My first transsexual medical appointment to attain approval to Stanford; corresponded with Janus Information Facility; name and sex changed at Social Security Administration; my first counselling
  • 1979: Accepted for regular counselling and approved to transition, accepted for transition medical care, began hormones (Norinyl, Diethylstilbestrol)
  • 1980: Legal name and sex change, began full-time female (uni-sex styled) attire
  • 1981: Denied continued hormone treatment and counselling by the gatekeeper medical community of Utah
  • 1982: Inter-sex diagnosis – genetic female
  • 1983: Restored to transition hormones (Premarin); first surgery; employer changed my official appointment designation to female
  • 1984: Male-fail mis-gendering
  • 1985: Female full-time forever.

I would say that such a life seems almost un-believable, some crazy plot in a fictional novel, if I had not lived it.  Yet here I am.  It is believable.  I have been living it, I bear the scars from it – then and now.  My ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures and my Stanford papers are about my only evidence for me to document that I previously presented male, that I rode this journey.  I compare both – Nick and Sharon – knowing that that is really me in transition.  Me male to me female.

I can recall each day of freedom when I first began full-time.  I arrived home – alone – to my apartment at the conclusion of a busy day, threw myself on my bed, and let out a quiet cheer.

  • ‘Yes! I did it!’

How I wanted to share my enthusiasm with family and friends, but I had none.  My family and my ‘friends’ rejected me.  Among my feelings of great joy was great hurt that my people abandoned me – their deep abandonment continues today.

Nevertheless, without them, I counted my days; those days became weeks, weeks became months, months became years.  Now I am fortunate to count decades.

You in transition comprehend this mutual experience.  If only we could bottle our exhilaration to taste its sweetness throughout life and share it among those we love and appreciate.

I prefer to participate with the SOFFAs at one support group.  I enthusiastically support the newbies and present my self to them a hopefull future.

We, through the time of my era, were generally obliged to participate in transition programs; they were usually sponsored by a university medical center.  Transition programs (mine was Stanford) impressed upon us the importance of blending into society – ‘strealth’ as they now call it.  We old-timers set the opportunity for you Trans children of today who become celebrities because you are Trans.

Finance matters – some of us had to search for coins in the seat cushions while others got it paid by their parents.  I was lucky to have had a good job that provided sufficient income and decent health insurance.  It also helpt that the ‘EXCLUSIONS’ section continually became irrelevant to me as I legally changed my name and sex, my medical record reported me as female, and my employer changed my designation from male to female.

In this season of Thanksgiving, I am forever gratefull for the bounty that came my way.

My transsexual perspectives of 40-some years ago are different than those of current Trans people – whether they are transitioning late in their life or are Trans children.  Not all have an easy transition – then and now.  We of my era could be subjected to ridicule, yet curiously, the general public paid little attention to our presence.  We went through our process with a society different than today’s.

We Trans must manage our own before we can expect the outside world to respect us.  There had been a movement toward openness, but I fear that those now in charge of our American government and their regressive political climate are imposing changes for the worse.  Some members of our Trans community brought this upon us much the same way Jews of Hitler’s Judenrate, Judischen Altesterrat, and Schutzstaffel chose to collaborate with NAZIs.  That era of NAZI-ism and Fascism persisted from the 1920s to the 1940s; on that timeline, we shall experience this in America until the 2030s – or later – when you continue doing nothing – when you persist colluding with the enemy.  Follow Hans von Dach Bern into total resistance.


I feel conflicted.

You have seen here, Dear Reader, that Brad welcomed me into the fold of our ‘Dasahori Kids’ Facebook page.

I am now also accepted to my ‘Pinewood School Alumni’ Facebook page.

I present myself to the Pinewood School Alumni web-site only as Sharon; I make no mention that my past identity to them was once Nick.  I am not hiding my past; rather, I see no point forcing any agenda, I shall not deny my past if anyone asks.  Actually, I posted a picture from my school days, I mentioned the years when I attended, that my dad was a teacher, I identified where I resided on the school campus, I listed a few of my school activities, I mentioned school-mates in my social circle.  I also make reference both to the ‘Dasahori Kids’ site and to my own web-site.  Certainly people can do an Internet search.  Anyone who knows those ‘clues’ knows who I was.

As yet, the only alum who have corresponded with me did not know me personally during my two years at Pinewood.  I first wrote to the sister of a school-mate who was my prom date, then I wrote to the sister of my team-mate for the 1973 International Model United Nations.  I await posts from people who knew me directly.  According to the latest list as of when I last browsed that site, there are only a few who did know Nick and they have yet to read my entries.

Has anyone otherwise realised that I was Nick?

Maybe I have been too circumspect?

No problem.  I can write a post to answer questions and come clean in short order.


It is getting into cold and flu season here in the US of A.

Allow me to recommend soup to fend off illness and ease your pain.

  • Chop and cut some garlic (good to prevent those sick days), carrots, red potatoes, red onions, celery.  Spice as desired with any or all of:  rosemary, fennel, cumin, tumeric, curry, chili powder, cayenne.  Why not add chicken.  Cook them in your slow cooker.  There you have it – fresh chicken soup, the universal cure; better than canned chemicals.

Serve this with some grated cheese on top.

Or …

Add a dollop of yoghourt and wrap it in a flour tortilla as a combo vegetable and chicken burrito.  A kinda vegetarian gyro to our Greek cuisine.



Sad notes to report.


Malcolm Young (64), guitarist for AC/DC, died of complications from Alzheimer’s.

For those about to rock – we salute you and thank you for all the great music.


We also learned that 1970s teen heart-throb David Cassidy (67), of ‘Partridge Family’ fame, is hospitalised and suffering from total organ failure. He awaits a possible liver transplant.

You made us happy.

Get well.

(Up-date 22 Nov 17: David Cassidy succumbed to his illness.)


I saw it on the over-night news as I was fading back to sleep.

You know, Dear Reader, the story of my name and how I came to be Sharon (see: ‘In My Life …’, 19 Apr 16).

My friend put it well – Sharon Tate is smiling at final justice come her way.


A great big Kapung Khaf thank you to ‘T-Central’ for picking up this web-site in their reference:

Take a browse at ‘T-Central’ for their diverse writing.


Kapung khaf, thank you, Dear Reader, for bearing with me on this personal journey today.

Please return for another post at a future date.