‘The One You Choose Will Make You Regret You Didn’t Choose The Other One’
(25 Nov 17)
Welcome back to another episode, Dear Reader.
‘Here’s my take on what it means to have the courage to be kind. Kindness requires action. You stand up against the bully. People rose up against the German NAZI soldiers with kindness. Create peacework. The best way to discover the humanity of other people is to meet them. It is much harder to have absolute hatred for any human being when you interact with them, when you have that human connection.’
- Daniel Lubetzky, Author ‘Do the Kind Thing’ (PBS Newshour, 23 Nov 17)
Daniel’s admonishment is that I was wrong when I ignored that creep who attacked me two weeks ago.
I lacked true courage. I behaved as a coward.
I watched ‘Ghandi’ Wednesday night, or rather to correct myself, I saw the beginning of the movie til I fell asleep midway – drowsiness from my concussion. I saw Ghandi’s strength of his kindness against British brutality and oppression. I do not know that I could have ever come close to what Ghandi and his people endured. I think that I would have chickened out in the situation that the Indians faced against the British.
As I came home that night two weeks ago and through the next few days, I persistently thought that maybe I should have tried something different. Maybe that jerk would not have been my friend, but then again, maybe he might have if I had taken time to approach him, discover his humanity, interact with him. Had I done different, then my results would have been different, then maybe he, too, would have found it much more complicated to have assaulted me and destroyed my computer by knowing me rather than we two as strangers.
This is how road rage occurs – two motorists in their anonymity act aggressively against each other. Would they dare behave that way if they knew each other, were friends, were neighbours? Don’t think so. I am not one prone to road rage, got that covered.
The saying that ‘doing the same act and expecting different results’ is true – at least in my event.
I gotta do something different if I expect different results; rather than an assault, maybe I lost a potential friend. I gotta try kindness next time. I gotta try this with others. I gotta start that ripple.
Make our choice to be kind influences their choice to express hate. We who act first gain the advantage – act first with kindness so that the other must respond with their kindness, not their hate.
Will you join me?
Sometimes we make choices, sometimes choices make us.
Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
I suppose one purpose of this life is to use our good graces – advance the good of what we can as well as to accept whatever life gives to us and make the most however we can.
I was in desperation – deep depression – and loss during 2014, yet I found the smallest nugget of a smile on Thanksgiving Day that year: I tossed a cranberry to share with a squirrel scampering across my back yard. Life showed that it is filled with reversals: 2015 would raise me from those depths and take me to a high of amazing openness, freedom, exploration, new friendships.
I may not be in the best of health – especially considering what happened two weeks ago and I still experience the pains not much less than when that assault occurred – yet I can be thankfull for my relative good health. Meanwhile, my friends are enduring:
- one friend is in pain and bleeding, possibly from post-op complications
- one friend experienced suicidal ideation
- one friend is in pain for good reasons – FFS – painfull just the same – we can’t wait to see your, um, un-veiling
- one friend is enduring multiple medical crises.
I am here for each of you and any others in need.
Bear with me as I circumnavigate my journey to joy on Thanksgiving Day 2017.
I bought my home 20-some years ago.
It is a nice neighbourhood, near the freeway system, near major streets and intersections, near shopping and events, yet quiet and secluded in its own way – a big cul de sac where only people who belong here enter here. Excess traffic usually won’t bother cutting through my neighbourhood because there is no exit except how you got in here. I have my issues of the reckless drivers – those who either reside here or are visitors here – those who drive at high speed regardless of the speed humps – those who killed my kitties, Sweetness and Ghost.
I observed for the presence of security bars on doors and windows at some regions of this metro area while I did my home-hunting. To me, proliferation meant a high-crime district. There are few signs of excessive security requirements in my neighbourhood with our block-watch. Children freely play in the street and at their front lawns. We are not a wealthy part of the city, no fancy yards, yet we all keep as tidy as we can afford.
I also selected my home because it had a straight line-of-site to the broadcast towers making what I expected would be great broadcast reception. Not now. One nearby minimal-care hospital went against our neighbourhood objections and constructed a high-rise building a decade ago, then they built a heli-pad, now they are a major medical center in the midst of what was supposed to be strictly residential-only zoning. Next we saw a small retirement apartment torn down (no more ‘waving man’) to make way for a second, massive hospital with its own heli-pad. I have no objections to people getting health care, but this had been a zoned, secluded residential location, not a commerce center.
We also had the peace and quiet being clear from overhead airport air traffic and its pollution. ‘Had’ – the operative word; stay tuned.
Now we must contend with Grand Central Station West above us – a continual stream of helicopters coming and going, sometimes hovering over our homes for 30 minutes at a time while another helicopter dispatches its load and clears the landing space. Helicopter noise and vibration is disturbing our peace and quiet.
That high-rise hospital behemoth now disrupts our digital TV signals. When once I could easily receive more than 50 digital TV channels with basic, old analog rabbit ears connected to the digital converter box, I now could get perhaps 30 TV stations when I was lucky.
My best and primary digital converter box recently ‘died’ a few months ago. I have been using my back-up box and a high-end digital antenna; I am lucky to get 15 stations with any regularity. I lost the NBC affiliate (among others) for more than one week recently due to the quirkiness of digital TV and the building that has come between us.
I had been without K38IZ, the local ‘IZ Videos’ TV station, since the loss of my box that ‘died’. IZ Videos, among my fave local TV stations, plays actual music videos round-the-clock – one channel are American music videos, another plays Mexican music videos. They also broadcast American ‘Country Music’ on another channel, but I’m not a Country Music fan. Their American music videos play in a six-hours block that repeats four times each day – if I wanna see a video again, I wait for it six hours later.
I began re-receiving my music videos the day before Thanksgiving Day. Maybe the TV station upped their power? Maybe something inside the hospital tower changed? It was quiet overhead – no barrage of helicopter ambulances.
To add to my joy, first they played a Shocking Blue video – one of my fave bands of all time – worth the wait I watched it on the re-play. Then they played a Slade video – another band on my fave list.
Well, lemme see how long we continue receiving IZ Videos. Nope, the music died the day after Thanksgiving Day.
For the record, in no particular order, are others among the lesser digital network broadcast TV side-channel stations that I watch when I seek television entertainment: BUZZR, Charge, Decades, Ion, Movies TV.
How did you celebrate your Thanksgiving Day? How did you share your day among family and friends?
Did you awake early to watch the parades? Did you snooze late because the parades are of no matter? Did you attend a parade? A big one? A home-town one?
Did you watch the annual dog show? Are you a dog person, a cat person, or it doesn’t matter because you love all life?
What football games did you see? Did your teams win or go down in defeat? Did you play football with your family and friends?
Is this your first Thanksgiving Day since coming ‘out’ to your family and friends? Maybe this is your first holiday as you present the new you? Congratulations! Your journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step. Keep up your good work toward your positive goals.
My Thanksgiving Day 2017 was quiet in its own way – as much by both choice and situation – I made it and it made me.
I corresponded with friends and sent out a variety of text messages wishing well to them, thanking them for being here for and with me; they replied in kind, some of us exchanged multiple texts. To all of you – Thank You, Kapung Khaf, Efharisto, Gracias.
Both Kathy and Cousin Bev are usually averse to initiating communications with me. I heard nothing from my sister for Thanksgiving Day. The last I heard from Cousin Bev was during that ‘box’ episode of 18 months ago (‘Breadbox’, 27 Aug 16). Curious. Growing up, our two families – Bev’s and mine – spent every holiday and every life milestone together as one family, now none can be bothered with me. So much for going from ‘Oh, Nickie, you look like a cute little girl!’ as a trans child to being an untouchable outcast an adult; remember, Cousin Bev’s family specifically un-invited me to the family Thanksgiving Day gathering of 1993. Family? What family!
Then surprises of all surprises – Kathy sent a message to me – she wants to deliver a trunk to me that was our mom’s. Of course I replied that I will gladly accept it. Cool! I can’t wait to receive it – maybe more goodies inside it as were those previous two boxes. This is one glimmer of hope from her. Kapung Khaf to you, Kathy.
I prepared my own delicious meal in my slow cooker though it was not really different or special:
- red potatoes, red onions, carrots, garlic, celery, squash, canned tuna, spiced with cayenne, topped with yoghourt, served with a side of home-made cranberries.
Simple but delish!
I watched TV:
- IZ Music Videos – gotta watch while this station lasts.
- ‘Kramer versus Kramer’ and ‘The Graduate’ on Movies TV.
- PBS ‘Independent Lens’ (‘Shadow World’) about how Republi-cons since Reagan have been profiteering their war and death through their international arms merchants – corporate America enriching themselves as purveyors of military weaponry to such ‘terrorosts’, ‘enemies’ and ‘adversaries’ as Iran, North Korea, China, Russia, ISIS, Taliban, al Qaeda. No wonder Republi-con Senator John McCain begged to ‘Arm the rebels!’; this expose showed that ISIS militia were buying from McCain’s corporate sponsors. How much ya wanna bet that those ‘terrorists’ in Friday’s attack that murdered more than 300 mosque-goers at Egypt were using military weapons produced by American corporate arms merchants. Crooked Drumpf shows no reluctance to cease his insanity; he boasted of trillion Dollar arms deals during his recent trip to Asia. These Republi-cons are killing the very American GIs who vote them into office – these duped Deplorable GIs – while those same GI grunts die in the cause of enriching Republi-con corporate profiteers. The clear majority of intransigents are Republi-cons; to be fair, there were a smattering of Democrats – for shame. Now that’s a ‘swamp’ to ‘clear’, don’tcha know.
I used my Obama-phone to browse its limited Internet:
- I searched the Stanford University Medical Center site and took a walk down memory lane: I recalled the names and activities of our shared past, I read old goodies, I found a copy of the application form that I used when I enrolled at Stanford, I reflected upon where our Trans community was 40-some years ago (e.g., the US Supreme Court upheld a Houston, Texas, ordinance that it is a crime to dress ‘as a member of the opposite sex’: #73-627, Mayes v Texas), I was reminded of Stanford’s advice for we patients to carry our physician’s statement attesting to our transsexual therapy and to have it ready to provide to law enforcement (sounds familiar, eh, ‘Achtung! Show us your papers!’). Kapung Khaf.
- I read other Trans persons’ posts at the T-Central site (http://t-central.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-transgender-flag.html). It is great to find quite a variety of perspectives on the Trans experience; check them out. Kapung Khaf.
- I sampled my own web-site to reminisce my own past as I recorded it on these cyber pages. To you, Dear Reader, I owe to you all my continued Kapung Khaf for accepting me into your lives.
I had simple plans for the day – to take care of my weekly personal details with my four numbered friends. That had to wait for over-night servicing when I was done for the day.
Recall Michael Veit described in my ‘Crimes and Punishments …’ (16 Sep 16).
Mike and I were state of Arizona co-workers. I knew him while I was employed at both AHCCCS and ADOA (1993 – 2008); we worked with each other on a nearly daily basis all those years. He was a higher-grade manager; I respected him for his friendship to me.
From news accounts, Mike pled guilty as charged. The court sentence included:
- 10 years in prison,
- loss of his state retirement and other benefits that accrue for retirees,
- order to pay full restitution for the $5.9 million, or thereabouts, that he pled guilty to stealing.
Well, unless he wins the big lottery or strikes it rich in the stock market to pay the money back, he will have minimal financial wherewithal when the prison releases him. Without state retirement, he will be left with his Social Security and Medi-Care, but that and all other income will likely be garnisheed at the maximum. Looks like a guy who had so much in a productive career threw it all away for a chance to take a cut from the public trough that did not belong to him – he lost no matter how we look at it.
Still, at least in my soul, I extended my proverbial milk of human kindness to him while he awaited his disposition during late-2015. That went well for a few weeks or so of video visit, then he abruptly ceased our last video visit. His wife told me that his local family did not want me visiting him. Fair enough to abide by their priorities, milk of human fiddlesticks. I had not seen him in video visit since that last occasion.
I was browsing through my old posts here at this web-site, came upon ‘Crimes and Punishments …’, and I got to wonder about Mike. Yeh, the rules of society determined that his punishment is appropriate and he is dealing with his consequences that will linger the rest of his Earthly existence.
I then corresponded with a source to Mike to quench my curiosity. This was part of the reply to my enquiry:
- ‘Unsure where he is. Can’t help those or be there that don’t want it. Right?’
Seems that Mike ain’t making positive amends in his current accommodations according to the way I understand my source (whose privacy I respect).
For Mike – yes, sad and true. Mike apparently has made no presence among the likely people who most want to be there for him in his time of need. We can’t help you if you do not want our help.
Yow, Mike, how you have sunk! I’d prefer to think that your criminal attitude was an aberration rather than underlying your presence with me both at work and during video visit.
I’d like to re-extend my offering of whatever friendship Mike can receive from afar behind confinement, but that can’t happen on a one-way street where he declines to extend his own hand.
So much for another correspondence and life.
I have been sand-bagging an accumulation of Republi-con political flip-flop quotes to post here. They are now scattered on two separate computers – my ‘old’ Dell and my now-destroyed ‘new’ Toshiba. I need to try sorting them into a semblance of order. Or maybe I’ll just nix that and get them posted as a ‘Draft’ for the record, then sort them later.
Thank you for visiting today. If you are new here, maybe browse some of my earlier posts. You binge watch your fave Internet TV series, maybe binge read posts from this site.
Please return for the next episode.